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Friday
April 15, 2005

My Father My Self by John Newnham

My father the tyrant, has become, in his twilight years, my father the child. He has Alzheimer’s disease. It is progressive in its onslaught, and there is no cure. Lanza has been replaced by the steady beat of channels being changed without pause, on the television. Reading is beyond him. His swing is still Sam Sneed sweet, and beautiful enough to make others take pause. (Read more...)
Discuss this Article (22 messages)

Friday, April 15, 2005 - 4:02am

John - if your father wept to Lanza he was a noble human being, flaws & all. End of story. If he's now impervious to Mario, that's a devastating testament to the awfulness of Alzheimer's. I've had it in my own family, & taken care of its victims. It's hideous. But here's the object lesson—at their most advanced level of mindlessness, Alzheimer's victims are way sweeter than rap "musicians."

Linz

Friday, April 15, 2005 - 5:44am

John, another powerful article.

Well done, and bravo!

George

Friday, April 15, 2005 - 5:56am

John,

This was stirring. Well done. I particularly liked your comparsion with the penalty stroke. That sentence,

I have learned to take my penalty; to play it as it lies, to look unflinchingly at the world as it really is.

is wonderful. Thank you.

Jason

Friday, April 15, 2005 - 10:16am

John- a very moving story and one with aspects that so many of us have to deal with that it is universal in its power. What is the right virtue to exercise in these moments? What is the opposite of mercy? Justice, yes, but I believe that if Rand had presented benevolence in a better balance that many Objectivists would have less difficulty with these kinds of conflicts.

You have taken the most important lesson from your experience- your determination to learn from your father's failures and mistakes. I suspect that your daughter will express to you her appreciation of these efforts one day.

No one knows all that you suffered through during your childhood but you, so no one can tell you the proper balance in dealing with your father. In general, I place great weight on whether a person admits their mistakes, the sincerity of that admission, and what they do to correct the damage they inflicted.

Friday, April 15, 2005 - 10:47am

John,

You are a magnificent author. I hope you write much, much more. Frankly, I am a little greedy for your work. First there was My First Time, now this!

I read it twice before I would permit myself to comment. I know I will read it many more times.

The following line is one I believe we all need to ponder:

I like to say philosophy taught me. I would prefer to think it was Aristotle and Ayn Rand. But there were others, and he was one.

What a wonderful way to state the need for a balanced view and apply philosophy to life, not life to philosophy. Personally I do not think it is possible to integrate a fantastic philosophy like Objectivism - and get it right - without going from this point of recognizing all the important teachers you have had over the years and giving them there due.

Your relationship with your daughter hits me much harder than it normally would because of my estrangement from my own children - which was the result of a very painful separation.

(I have sketched out something for the SOLO Dear Abby column on this.)

Joking aside...

Joking aside...

I guess I joke like that at a moment like this to hold the tears in check. Shit anyway... But I really do have something in the works right now...

Another gem of yours that is engraving itself on my heart:

I am becoming not the best father that a little girl once hoped to regain in the aftermath of a painful divorce, but simply, in my own way, a good father.

Reality's a bitch in these matters. You can only do the best you can when it hurts so much. But by doing what you are doing with your daughter and writing what you are writing, I am convinced that you are her best father after all.

Michael

Friday, April 15, 2005 - 11:16am

That was a terrific piece of writing. Not just the content, which was excruciatingly poignant, but the style of it -- the perfect metaphors, the spare, selective understatement. Knowing nothing about you, I'd have to guess you were a professional writer or editor. And a damned good one. This, with minor revisions, ought to be submitted to Reader's Digest or some major magazine.

Having lost both parents, one to Alzheimer's, I know what you're going through. And your words touched me in more ways than I can explain.

Thank you for this beautiful piece of writing, and best wishes to you as you face the future -- his, and yours.

-- Robert

Friday, April 15, 2005 - 11:22am

For the kind comments, and the personal responses, many many thanks to all of you.

John

Friday, April 15, 2005 - 8:05pm

John, please do something with this very beautiful and moving article. It should not be available only to Solo readers. I agree with Robert B that it would be a good idea to try Readers Digest.

Are you a professional writer? If not, why on earth not?

Barbara

Friday, April 15, 2005 - 10:08pm

John,

If you don't start submitting your pieces to print publications, I'm going to cut and paste your articles and start submitting them for you. :)

Your writing is stellar -- I implore you to let the rest of the world see it.

Thank you for a piece so poignant and touching.

Jennifer

Saturday, April 16, 2005 - 3:09am

Thanks for a most beautifully written article, John. And how timely that you should mention your father's former response to Lanza amid all the tut-tutting about the tenor that has been going on elsewhere on this forum. Your father's moving reaction to Lanza speaks volumes about both men's senses of life.

Saturday, April 16, 2005 - 5:10am

Would you lot kindly stop this crap suggesting SOLO is not an adequate repository for this kind of writing? In case you hadn't noticed, mainstream publications no longer publish this type of material. It's sincere, it's sentimental, it's fundamental ... it's not "cool." SOLO is precisely where it should be ... which is precisely why it *is* here. You lot should be directing folks' attention here, not sending the author elsewhere, other than to encourage "elsewhere" to link to here.

Can you imagine this in any other Objectivist publication?

Gimme a break!

Navigator?? Anything out of ARI??? Hahahahaha!!!!

Linz

Saturday, April 16, 2005 - 8:15am

Ah, but think of this, Linz: If John (or any of us) publishes an article here, which then appears in a mainstream pub (mentioning it originally appeared on SOLO), or states in his byline that he writes for www.solohq.com, that introduces a whole new audience to this place.

Which gives me some ideas of my own...

Strategy, darling.

Saturday, April 16, 2005 - 9:06am

Good thinking, Jennifer - capital idea there........

Sunday, April 17, 2005 - 1:56am

I agree that's a good idea Jennifer. Provided the publications don't heavily edit any of the pieces (and I don't mean minor revisions because of space or whatever - I mean stuff that compromises the piece's core message) it seems to me SOLO can only gain from such exposure.

MH

Tuesday, August 23, 2005 - 5:34am

This popped up as a random article. If I could sanction it again I would.

For those who have not read it, I hope this post draws some attention to it - and I hope you who do read it sanction it mightily. It is a wonderful piece of writing.

Michael

Friday, March 17, 2006 - 6:57pm

What a beautiful, beautuful, moving and powerful, skillful and superbly written piece.

So when is your book of essays to be published?

*s*

Friday, March 17, 2006 - 7:02pm

Nice to see this one come up again. I think it's beautifully written; marked it as my "favorite article."

Friday, March 17, 2006 - 9:17pm

I know. I loved this one too. Moving.

Saturday, March 18, 2006 - 1:40am

Moving ... that was the word ... inescapably moving.

Thank you, John. You write wonderfully,

Ed

Monday, March 20, 2006 - 10:19pm

That was excellent.