| | Robert, I don't think you have to flatter or kiss up to people to succeed socially -- NOR do I think that integrity requires you to say everything that you think on every occasion, in the most blunt and abrasive manner possible.
There IS such a thing as being prudent as to when you open your mouth, and when you don't -- and how you phrase criticisms. If a person has mixed premises (most do), you can simply say, "I disagree," with a smile. The words tell him that you don't buy his ideas; the smile tells him that you don't consider him to be a monster for holding those ideas.
If you know someone who has many good qualities, and many values to offer you -- but who is deeply Christian -- there is an easy way to proceed: limit your association to those non-religious values and interests that you share, and just don't discuss religion. If the person brings up religion, change the subject. Most people will take the hint. If he insists on continuing, say (with that smile, because he is a friend), "Well, I don't share your religious views; and I would hate for those kinds of private matters ever to get in the way of our friendship." Then smile some more.
He'll probably never again discuss religion with you.
That sort of thing. I believe about 95% of potential conflicts of this kind can be deflected or avoided, without the slightest breach of integrity, the slightest falsehood.
Only those who view their lives as being missionaries for Objectivism -- who see each social encounter as a Battle of Premises, and who believe they must zealously spread the word to everyone they meet -- will feel compelled to walk around with a philosophical chip on their shoulders. You can succeed with most people in everyday life simply by exuding benevolence, and by expecting it in return...and by steering diplomatically around approaching shoals.
Only when confronted directly on matters of conviction do I believe that you are obligated to take a clear, blunt moral stand. But if you don't have that chip on your shoulder, you'll find that such occasions are remarkably rare.
Incidentally, my Summer Seminar lecture, "The Anatomy of Cooperation," focuses directly on the issues of integrity and "compromise" in social settings. TAS should be posting it online before long; I think it addresses many of the issues implied in this thread.
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