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How To Spot A NAZI
by Duncan Bayne

NAZIsm is growing in popularity in our fair country! Now is the time for all decent New Zealanders to clearly state their opposition to NAZIsm (also known as National Socialism [1]), and denounce those who support it.

You might be wondering, "How do I know a NAZI when I see one?"

Not all NAZIs sport shaved heads and swastika earrings, and that's where this handy guide ... well, comes in handy! It contains all you need to know about spotting a NAZI by observing his behaviour. Come on Kiwis do your duty and expose these monsters who dwell amongst us!

Discrimination

The most noticeable NAZI trait is a hatred of Jews, blacks, homosexuals and others not fitting into their self-proclaimed racial ideal. They actually blame the Jews for the ills in the world; indeed, one of the core beliefs of a confirmed NAZI is that there is a Jewish conspiracy to rule the world. So, if you see someone discriminating against another on the basis of religion, race or sexual preference - that someone might well be the NAZI you're looking to expose!

Of course, one must be careful in this area. Nowadays, it's acceptable to blame rich white heterosexuals for all the ills in the world, and of course, everyone knows it's their plan to rule the world through exploitation and warmongering. So, be careful in this respect, one could easily mistake a trendy national icon for a NAZI. Be on your guard!

Sporting Events

Propaganda is essential to maintaining NAZI rule, and there's great propaganda to be had from using taxpayers' money to fund sporting events; they distract popular attention from the real issues, and promote the country's image overseas. An example of this is the incredible amount of taxpayers' money spent by the NAZIs on funding flying [2] and motor racing [3] in the 1930s, and of course on the Berlin Olympics in 1936 [4]. Any good NAZI will stand out by spending other people's money on sports the more expensive and popular, the better.

Once again though, it's easy for an overzealous NAZI-hunter to become confused. Using public money to fund certain acceptable modern sporting events obviously doesn't count as NAZI behaviour, and shouldn't be held against those who lobby for it either. In particular yachting, V8 street racing and the Athens Olympics of 2004 shouldn't in any way be confused with flying, motorcycle racing and the Berlin Olympics of 1936.

Environmentalism and Resource Management

NAZIs want individuals to submit to the state in every sphere of life, including property ownership and use. The Reichsnaturschutzgesetz law, passed by the German NAZI Government in 1935 [5], controlled the use of wilderness, established reforestation programs, protected animals, plants, and "natural monuments", and encompassed the world's first "animal rights" laws. Harm to "the environment" or "the community" became the yardstick to restrict behaviour, and one had to have the NAZIs' consent to use one's own property, as this quote shows:

"The [property] owner is bound by the people and the Reich to the responsible management of his goods. His legal position is only justified when he satisfies this responsibility to the community." [6]


Sadly, this is another tarpit for modern NAZI hunters - the differences between NAZI policies and those of popular, fashionable New Zealanders are subtle. For example, Reichsnaturschutzgesetz is a NAZI policy, whereas the Resource Management Act is a modern progressive policy. Furthermore, most modern New Zealanders will understand that "animal rights" don't include the right not to be eaten. So remember - Reichsnaturschutzgesetz and vegetariansm are NAZI hallmarks, and the Resource Management Act and omnivorous hypocrisy denote modern sophistication.

Disarmament

There's nothing that makes a NAZI quiver with fright like an armed Jew. A distinguishing factor amongst NAZIs is a profound fear of privately owned firearms, and an outspoken desire to have all privately owned weapons regulated or banned outright. The NAZI Government of Germany passed the Nazi Weapons Law in 1938 [7], which ensured that only NAZIs would be able to own firearms or any other kind of weapon, leaving non-NAZIs at the mercy of NAZIs. Of course, they claimed this disarmament was to prevent violent crime.

This is an easy one for you would-be NAZI hunters! NAZI disarmament policies ensured only the Government and NAZIs had guns, whereas the disarmament policies pursued by popular New Zealand politicians ensure that only the Government and criminals have guns. The trick is not to get caught up on the fact that both policies prevent peaceful, law-abiding citizens from defending the lives and property of themselves and their dependents.

Summary

It's easy to spot a NAZI! Do your bit but remember, please, not to confuse the modern progressive policies we all know and love with those of NAZIism it's an easy mistake to make!
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