Bully Pulpit: Don't Ignore Me
by Kristin Currier
The new girl in town was out discovering the neighborhood beach. Tomorrow she was looking forward to the first day of grade 1. Learning was an exciting thing. There was nothing she liked better than drawing and reading.
While walking towards the beach cliff, she saw two boys her age running down the hill. They were soon on her, kicking and punching her to the sand. One grabbed a large rock and poised it over her head. The other talked him out of it, telling him he'd get in trouble if they got caught. They ran away, leaving her in the sand.
That was me over 20 years ago. After that, there was not a moment of peace in the school halls, the bus, the classrooms, or even the girls' room. From grade 1 to graduation I was beat up and tormented verbally. The teachers ignored it, my parents did not have money to take me out of it, so I was stuck there. I lost all desire to participate. My grades nose-dived. I wanted to die sometimes.
"Leo", another bright, introverted kid in my school, received similar treatment. He became anti-social and bitter. His grades suffered. He kept a list of anyone who had picked on him, and had mentioned in passing something about getting a gun.
There were other promising kids who fell through the cracks because parents and teachers could or would not recognize the matter as serious. Many graduated and led lives beneath their potential, their self-esteem damaged and education limited. Others did very well in spite of the system. But I'm sure there has been battle with the old demons.
What do you do, when you're a kid like this? If you're lucky, your parents can afford an alternative school or they will get very involved with you and your present school. But many have the attitude that this sort of thing goes on all the time, and we all get through it. But how will it hinder your child? Why limit their opportunity to reach their potential? There's no reason why a kid must endure this attack on themselves and their future. These days, a kid has alternative resources to vent their frustration, and they are getting deadlier.
Matthew Lovett, from Oaklyn NJ, was captured with 2 other boys while on their way to murder 3 classmates. They had loaded rifles and swords. Matthew dressed in black, worshipped The Matrix, and carried a baseball bat. It was said Lovett had a list of names of those who had picked on him reaching back to elementary school. The father is mystified regarding Matthew's behavior, and attributes it possibly to the death of the boy's mother 9 years ago. Does this story sound familiar? A kid in black, with a vendetta, his father's guns, and yet another clueless parent?
We live in a violent culture. But you cannot blame Lovett's clothing, music, movies, or games. There are kids everywhere who are into these things and they aren't hatching plans for murder. Our culture has given kids more opportunity to give serious thought about violently lashing out at their tormenters. But complaining about the culture will not stop the true cause. Our culture perpetuates violence, but it is not the reason why Lovett or my old school acquaintance Leo had plans of violent retribution.
We cannot afford to ignore the offenses kids commit against each other. We can't pass it off as "kids will be kids". If you have a bully child, what will you do about it? And if your kid is coming home crying, hurt, acting up or withdrawn, will you ignore it? Preach "get over it", or look in the wrong place for the root?
The hatred of the good for being good is something Objectivists are familiar with. How many little "nerds" do we recall who stood apart from the crowd, but had smarts and talent well beyond their peers? You may be one. Kids who are different often have something special to offer. "Nerds" can inherit the earth. But as a young kid forced to attend school with little conforming thugs, who comes to their defense? How do we help them gain the self-esteem they need to handle these situations and surpass them, so they don't fall behind their potential, or worse, consider violence as a means to solve it?
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