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The Good Life

Making Life Extraordinary
by Ashley Frazier

When Joe asked me to speak, I was concerned about choosing a topic I would feel comfortable speaking about while standing amidst giants. Given that we are in New York City today, one topic seemed appropriate. It has been burned into my head for almost a year now, and when I heard that our conference would be held here it became clear, as it has personal significance.

I have always been enthralled by the vision of an airplane making its way across the sky. Whether in an office or home, walking on the sidewalk or riding in my car, the flash of sunlight on steel was enough to make me take pause-a moment to dream, to imagine something enormous, as big as the sky itself. This feeling has stayed with me from childhood. Perhaps it has contributed to my love for travel; even the fact that I sometimes fly several times per month for work never diminished my fascination with planes and airports.

But last September, when planes were crash-landed into buildings in NYC, Washington, and a field in my home state of Pennsylvania, this feeling of magic was stolen from me. Each time I saw a plane in the sky my mind replayed the hideous visions from my television screen. I am a realist. I knew that air travel was really no more dangerous than ever. I wasn't afraid of flying. But the planes, they had been used as a weapon against my country, against me. I felt somehow betrayed. I flew, but I stopped looking into the sky. I hoped that, like most scary things, it wouldn't last long.

Six months later, I drove through New York City one afternoon and saw a plane flying toward JFK to land. It occurred to me that nothing had changed – a shadow still hovered over my magical vision. I felt a flash of anger that even months later I still felt the same. Where was my resilience? Was this the fear the terrorists had intended? It felt very personal. I wrote this poem later that day:

March 11, 2002

Vapor trails used to make me think
of spelling, pilots drawing giant
words, or maps.
were they going to my home?
toward the coast?
to their love?
each glint of silver a possibility.
watching from the window,
at least my spirit was free.
will I always feel so betrayed?
now a plane is just a vehicle.


It has been a struggle to regain my equilibrium since last fall. To get back the feeling that glorious things are coming at me from the far side of each curve. In speaking with others I have begun to understand that they are not all sharing this same struggle-to get back to "normal"-some have never known this feeling at all. Or that is, our normal states of being are something very different. Many people are happy just to be alive; thankful for their god, their president, a job. A no-thrills life means safety. Accepting the ordinary is easy. The mind becomes lazy when you go with the flow. The world is filled with praise for the "simple life."

I want to talk about the feeling that I used to get from planes in the sky. That magic. What is it? A visceral reaction. Not just amazement at mechanical flight. I am not an airplane buff. Rather, it is the symbolic concept of freedom of spirit, of going somewhere. Airports felt similarly to me. Almost like an energy field – people with importance, business to attend to, deals to make. Romance in the air, excitement, families off on the trip of a lifetime, lovers sneaking away someplace exotic. In an airport there is never a feeling of "everyday."

Like an airport, my life has never felt simple, or everyday. My life is golden, a treasure above all other things. Although life has its hills, there has always been in my mind a vision that I am moving toward some great purpose. It is nearly unshakeable. As such, I find that I am drawn to things that have glitter, things that shine. I reject the elevation of the unworthy. I stand in defiance of the ordinary.

Defiance of the ordinary is the spark that pushes man to think, to move forward, to achieve something in a world that glorifies the insignificant. Living is more than waking up each day. Living is making an effort. Living is switching off the auto-pilot, and reaching out for that which you know could burn your hand, wrench your gut, break your heart if it doesn't work.

Our mission is to protect and nourish this spark within us, if we hope to live a golden life. We all know that infinite possibility is open to us, if only we make the brave choices.

Recently in Philadelphia police told us the story of a seven year old girl named Erica Pratt. Erica was kidnapped by two thugs and carried to an abandoned house ten miles from her family's home. Left on a filthy mattress in the basement with duct tape around her eyes, arms, and legs, she decided to do something extraordinary. Erica chewed through the tape around her mouth, then arms, then legs. She crawled up to the first floor of the building in the dark, opened the mail slot, and screamed for help. When none came, she found a mallet and broke out a window. Neighborhood children found her and helped her escape. A seven year-old child knew something that many adults haven't figured out: life is precious, and can't be left in the hands of any person but one's self.

What seems like an obvious point can be anything but obvious much of the time. "Going with the flow" or being "easy going" are seen as great virtues in our society, when in fact they are the opposite. The opinion or the behavior of the masses will rarely be anything special, to stand in defiance is the only way to ensure that you are looking out for your own best opportunities.

This goes for every part of life: where you live, people you love, things you do. When you enjoy doing something, make sure you give it your all. Push your self to your absolute limits mentally and physically in all that you do. Throw yourself 100% into projects, into hobbies, into work. Into your affairs. Bring your passion to the table every time. Make it your trademark, the thing you are known for.

I find that to preserve the spark in my life I need my individual space. I need time and a sacred place; to explore my mind and motivations, and to know my own way. Without this introspection I lose sight of what I want and where I am going. When I do that I tend to just do whatever is easiest, whatever those around me are doing. At times in my life I have looked about me and found myself sinking into the muck of the common. I have found sarcasm, apathy, even nihilism, creeping into my consciousness. It takes focus, and effort, to keep the mind trained on my own vision of a golden life. It is different, it is unique. I will not reach it following the well-traveled path.

The city of New York seems the perfect setting to talk about living an extraordinary life, for what better place to do it? A city that never sleeps, with world class arts and entertainment, booming business and education, and food and wine the likes of which one can hardly imagine. In a day you can see skyscrapers and stadiums that are among the largest on earth. There are people living in this city with talents in a thousand fields: artists, scientists, authors, legislators, builders, all pursuing their passion in a hive that allows as much fame or as much anonymity as you like.

Today we've brought even more to this city: minds which are as unique as any attraction we are likely to see this weekend. I was recently reflecting on the SOLO community and how it contributes to the defiance of the ordinary. I am so happy for the opportunity to meet Glenn, who has reminded me in the past of the importance of living a life that has extraordinary style. Ross Elliot has spoken about defying the ordinary by standing up for what you believe in while in a crowd. Getting kicked out of dinner parties. I consider his advice often when I am faced with those situations. So many people who stand up for values in art and music, who speak out against the modern offerings that are too frequently held up as beautiful. Community members who expose untruths and flawed reason in current events, science, politics. So my last point is that a high value is to have friends and acquaintances who are extraordinary, for these will contribute greatly to your golden life. My thanks to Lindsay Perigo for conceiving of and convening this group of people who have brought much to my life. And to Joe and everyone else who works to keep it going.

In closing, I will only say that the struggle to defy the ordinary is not an easy one. At least in my life it has not been. But it is the only thing worth doing. Ultimately, if I give up, if I lead a life that is ordinary, it is only half-lived. So in each choice I look for magic, I look for something shining. Doing something grand is scary. It is riskier, it might disappoint me; but then, it might not.



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