Rebirth of Reason

Sense of Life

An Objectivist Tale of Two Lovers
by Paul M. Kay

Ayn Rand said in her unpublished writings, her Philosophic Notes of Oct. 6, 1949 which were printed in the August, 1984 issue of the Objectivist Forum, "The reason why people consider sexual desire insulting to a woman is....due to the fact that to most people, sex is an evil, low, degrading aspect of man's life. Since most people, in their philosophical premises have damned themselves and life (life on earth) their sex desires and actions are an expression of evil. On such premises, sexual desire is insulting to a woman."

"On the right philosophical premise about sex", Rand continued, "it is a great compliment to a woman if a man wants her. It is an expression of his highest value, not of his contempt."

In my life, I've had two girlfriends who were perfect examples of the two contrary sexual principles that were mentioned by Miss Rand. I will refer to them in this essay as MP and SG.

If one were to say that MP was a good example of the sexual desire is evil and therefore an expression of contempt for a woman, it would surely be an understatement.

Early in our dating relationship, the fires of sexual passion burned within me. However, MP did everything in her power to douse the flames. She became extremely nervous whenever I showed a sexual interest in her. She constantly rejected my sexual advances not only in the early stages of our relationship, but even many months after. She had a strict policy that I was not to touch any part of her body that was located between her neck and her knees. .

One day, I decided to do an experiment, I wanted to show her that I wasn't out to harm her, and so, for MP's birthday, I bought her a sexy, revealing outfit and asked her to try it on. At first, she was very agitated about doing this, but she finally gave in and put it on. Unfortunately, the minute she saw me smiling approvingly at her, she dashed back into her room in sheer panic and changed back into her non-sexy clothes.

I could clearly tell that MP had some severe sexual hang-ups. I recall one evening when I was a dinner guest at her house and we were being served chicken. Her father asked her if she would like a leg or a breast. Upon hearing the word "breast", MP's face became beet red with embarrassment and she cringed in horror. "Oh, Daddy", she cried, "You said that WORD." Now for the record, MP was no naive teen-ager, but a grown woman of 23.

Needless to say, I did break up with MP but not mainly for the reason of her sexual hang-ups which I grudgingly learned to tolerate. Her crime was much more severe than that. However, that will not be dealt with here.

About a year later, I met SG. Unlike the slender, good-looking MP, SG was on the slightly chubby side. She was no knockout beauty, but just pretty enough to get me interested. Now, some time before I met her, even before I met MP, I decided that I was going to change the way that I was going to pursue women. I originally thought that in order to go after a girl, she had to be a real beauty. After all, how could any woman less beautiful than a Hollywood actress or a Playboy centerfold stir my sexual passions?

Then I observed the real world. I observed that women who were just average and even homely had children. This could have happened only because their husbands made love to them, that they could sexually arouse their men despite their not-so-good looks. I decided from then on that neither Tinsel Town nor Hugh Hefner would decide for me what is sexually attractive. Indeed, it is true what Nathaniel Branden said in his "Basic Principles of Objectivism" lecture series that attractiveness and sex appeal are independent of physical beauty and that under the right circumstances, even a girl who is considered homely can be more sexually appealing than some other woman who is much better looking.

Thus, armed with my new attitude regarding women, I decided to give SG a chance, and boy, was I glad that I did. She had me spell-bound on our first "getting acquainted" date. She described with great passion and with great zest about her trip to Israel about a year ago and how she loved that country. She also told me that a week before we started dating, that she had begun a diet and exercise program. This showed me that she was aiming at improving herself and thus earned my instant admiration for her.

Those factors caused me to feel an intense passion for her and it was reflected in the unusually long goodnight kiss I gave her at the conclusion of our date. And by her reaction, I could tell that she enjoyed it just as much as I did.

SG's attitude about sex was the total opposite of MP's. On our third date when I made sexual advances to her and began fondling her, she responded, "I've been waiting for that. What took you so long?"

"Well", I answered, "I didn't know what your reaction would be. I didn't want to scare you off."

"Now according to my way of thinking", she replied, "if a guy doesn't try any 'funny stuff' with a girl by the third date, it can mean only one of two things--either he's gay or I'm just not attractive to him, and that being the case, I move on to the next man."

I sure was glad that I made those sexual advances to her in the nick of time. I sure would have hated to loose such a wonderful gal.

What followed was a beautiful love affair and caring relationship. We made passionate love many times. Unlike MP who would always try to discourage my sexual feelings, SG would often seductively strip for me, lasso me with her bra, and say, "Get over here, lover boy."

Now, due to her diet and exercise program SG did get considerably thinner. However, she was unable to rid herself of her midriff bulge and became worried that I would find her unattractive. However, because of her many other fine qualities, her imperfect stomach was of no importance to me.

Now we have all seen situation comedies where dim-witted men go gaga over women with big breasts. After leaving a social affair, SG confessed to me that she was worried that I would desert her for a woman who had a much larger bosom than hers. Now, my girlfriend was quite well endowed in her own right, but her breasts still paled when compared with the monster mammaries of the other girl.

I told her that even though she had a smaller bosom, she was better proportioned and therefore more attractive. I also told her that her breasts had one humongous advantage over that of her supposed rival. "They come with YOU.", I replied.

In July of 1975 we went to see the Boston Symphony concerts at Tanglewood. After the performance, we shared a hotel room together. We had an extremely beautiful, wondrous lovemaking experience and finally fell asleep curled up in each other's arms.

Now some ignorant people, because we did what we did without the sanction of a religious body or a government-issued license, would call it sinful, degrading, and immoral. However, we knew that it was anything but that. What went on between SG and myself that evening was, and I use the terms despite the fact that I am an open and professed atheist, sacred and holy, for lack of better terms.

Ayn Rand said in her essay, "Of Living Death", "...to a rational man, sex is an expression of self-esteem--a celebration of himself and of existence."

Amen, Sister Rand! That evening was a most joyous celebration of life, love, each other, and our individual selves.

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