Singing Solo in the Shower
by Joseph C. Maurone
Damn Lindsay Perigo...thinks he can bully people into writing articles...doesn't he know that the mind can't work under coercion? And why should I write an article just because HE needs them for his forum? I swear, by my life, and my lo-
AHH! The water's freaking cold! I'm going from extrovert to introvert... Ah, that's better...
...I can't think of anything to write about. To think clearly, one must feel deeply...and I don't feel like it...damn soap, good thing this isn't prison...all those Saddamites...hmm...the water's getting kinda hot...it's steamier than a feminist fog in here...I'm extroverting again...time to ogle the moogle...
(Minutes later...)
Besides, even if I wanted to help by contributing an article...in order to help others, you gotta love the doing. Even Rand said that you can't be a writer in order to further a cause...it's gotta be done out of a love a writing...damn, I can't see, too much shampoo in my eyes...I really should be more rational about my shampoo usage; I don't have that much hair...but I like a lot of shampoo; it feels good on my scalp...yeah, but it's not economical. Ah, I'll let the market sort it out...
Is that the phone ringing? Why does it seem that every time that I take a shower, the phone rings? And if I get out to answer it, it'll stop...maybe Kant was right, maybe my senses are wrong...maybe it is all just an illusion...but the evidence! If I get soap in my eyes, that's real...really, really, painful...hmmm...so is this pain in my stomach...should have known better than to eat that Big Mac. Why do I do it, it makes me sick every time. If cooking is an art, than McDonald's is modern art...indigestable...Does that make me immoral? Gonna be some trouble in the Taggart Terminal tonig-
AHH! WHY DOES THE WATER KEEP TURNING COLD! I know that A is A, and hot is hot and cold is cold, but couldn't I just mix my premises for once and get a moderate water temperature? Isn't there a dialectical process involved here? SHEESH. We have the technology, we're not savages! Cauterwaulers, maybe...
I should practice my singing, even if I am too old for American Idol...it's not my fault I'm 30. What's so incredible about teenagers that only they can compete? Half of them can't even carry a tune! Maybe Simon should spank them...
Hmmm...Maybe I could write an article proposing a SOLOHQ Idol contest, with members singing songs by Mario Lanza...I could sing "I'll Walk With God"...If only I could hit that last high note. Let me try again..."and I'll never walk alone, while I walk...with...GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHDDDDDD!!!!!
For crying out loud, why is this water so HOT? I don't want to be cool, I don't want to be hot. I just want a decent shower!
And why do I have the feeling that I am being watched? Damn government intrusion...
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