God's Goofballs
by Lindsay Perigo
[Adapted from Perigo's Politically Incorrect Show, October 1, 2001]
Something I just saw on Larry King enabled me to retrieve some humour from a very black situation - a cluster of clerics from different religions assembled to answer the question, "Where was God on September 11?" The question itself, let alone the answers, sent me off into peals of laughter, & I could only regret that the estimable ecclesiastics had not chosen to appear in their fancy dress to complete the comedic appeal of this risible spectacle.
The rabid wing of Islam was not represented; instead, an outwardly sane Muslim scholar did the honours for his insane religion. He & a Jewish rabbi spent a lot of time actually agreeing with each other as to how God had passed the time that Black Tuesday. A well-known pantheist contributed the view that God, a genderless cosmic force, was where it always is that day: lurking in every goddamn thing! The two Christians didn't seem too comfortable with that, & were on red alert for any lapses into ecumenism. One of them indeed was a real party-pooper. When it was suggested that all the faiths should spirit their brightest & best over to Afghanistan together, to have a friendly chat to Osama about toning it down a bit, he wouldn't have a bar of it unless Jesus was appointed chorus-master.
Earlier this same personage had imparted the charming news that anyone who didn't believe in Jesus was destined for hell, regardless of how innocent a life he'd led. Moreover, he wondered, what was the big deal here? Why the question, "Where was God?" to begin with? 7000 people die every day in the United States anyway - a sudden surge of 6000 [estimated deaths at that time] really only had the effect of adding an extra day to the year.
His colleague, however, was of the view that God would actually have been very upset on September 11 - as upset as he had been the day much earlier in His career when he'd thrown a cosmic hissy fit & decided He was going to drown everyone & everything. That was a heart-wrenching decision for God, we were told, a moment of truth where He had been forced to come to grips with the waywardness & wickedness of His creations. What sort of logical default prevented the question, "Wait a minute - since he's God, doesn't He know everything in advance?" from being asked I can't begin to imagine.
"Illuminating!" pronounced Larry King at the end of the discussion. My co-viewer & I looked at each other. More gales of laughter. Actually, in a perverse way, it WAS illuminating. It was illuminating to see grown, educated men speak such utter tosh for half an hour on international television.
The question in MY mind at the end of it all was, "How much does the enduring prevalence of this sort of nonsense in the minds of men on both sides of the current divide have to do with what those men do to each other?"
A no-brainer, that. "People who believe absurdities commit atrocities," observed Voltaire.
'Nuff said.
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