Taking Charity
by Joseph Rowlands

I once wrote about how certain situations can punish the just and benefit the unjust. One scenario I described was when someone offers upfront to pay for your lunch. An unjust person would delight in taking advantage of the situation and ordering more expensive food or more of it. They would be willing to be wasteful. The just person would likely try to avoid any appearance of inappropriateness, and may feel obligated to order less than he would with his own money. If he was paying for himself, he might be willing to indulge or even be wasteful. But if someone else is paying, he would likely limit his choices to avoid being seen as taking advantage of his friend.

A similar kind of thing happens when someone is offered charity. You might think that charity is a kind of gift, given out of a feeling of compassion, and with no strings attached. And perhaps that is the case. But the same kind of conflicts can arise.

If you are given money in the form of charity, it is because you are thought to be in need. So what happens if you spend that money on others? What if you buy gifts for someone else? Or you offer to pay for their dinner? The person who gave you money will see your actions and wonder whether his gift was a good idea. It would appear that you are wasteful of it. Perhaps he thought you'd spend it on something important, like paying off some of your debt. He may feel resentment. He had expected that his donation would be well utilized, and not simply wasted.

What makes this even worse is that money is fungible. There's no difference between you wasting your own earned money and using the charity for important tasks, and you wasting the charity. You may have already intended to spend some of your meager savings on a gift for someone you care about. Perhaps you truly believe that is the highest value you can get for your money. But the person who offers the charity will see it as you spending the money he gave you.

Of course, since it is technically a gift, you can utilize that charity anyway you want to. You can waste it. You can spend it on others. You can give it away to someone else. But these kinds of actions will have a consequence. You will alienate the original giver, and make them think that you are irresponsible. They might think "Why did you take my money if you weren't planning to use it responsibly?".

I think the giver of charity would be right in these circumstance. He is providing money because you are supposed to need it. While it may be presented as a gift, it is perfectly reasonable to expect you to be responsible with the money. And if you're not responsible, they are justified in being upset that their offer to help was wasted. It cost them to provide the money. If you throw it away, that cost would have been for nothing.

On top of that, charity is often offered because you believe the recipient is a good person who is just having a hard time. But if he wastes the donation, it will rightly make you question your earlier assumptions.

I was once offered money in the form of charity. I didn't really need it, as I had my own money, although more money can reduce anxiety about the future. I ended up rejecting it, though. I realized that taking the money would have made many of my purchases or decisions seem irresponsible. If I decided to pay for a friend's lunch, which I would have done even without the charity, it would have looked bad. If I had paid more than my fair share for gas on a long road trip, it would have looked like I was not grateful for the money given to me.

While free money may sound attractive, the costs would have been too high if I had had to change my spending habits. And since the money was offered out of a sense that I needed it to some degree, it would make all of the optional purchases I make seem irresponsible.

And this isn't just the way that it appears to the donor. How can I take money from someone in the name of need, while at the same time spending it on optional products or services? I would be taking the money on false pretenses.

Since it is not that common to find people who care enough to offer their own money to help you, that relationship must be very important. And yet if you take the money and spend it irresponsibly, that is the relationship that would be wrecked. The cost would be enormous.

So when someone is offered charity, they have a choice. Take the money, and make sure you spend it in a way that would satisfy the donor. Take the money, spend anyway you want, and potentially destroy an important relationship. Or don't take the money so that you can retain control over your own choices without having to worry about what other people think.

And this brings us to an important point. If other people are paying for your life, it's likely that they will have some influence over your decisions. To live an independent life, making decisions based on your own best judgment and value system, you need to be spending your own money. Even donated money is not free of strings. Taking the money means elevating the values of others, and being concerned with their approval. This could be appropriate if you are seriously need the money. But charity without need may end up costing you more than you get by altering the values you are able to pursue.

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