The Grinning Face of Evil
by Luke Setzer

Toastmasters Advanced Manual

The Entertaining Speaker

Speech 1: The Entertaining Speech

[Loud, Thick British Ringmaster accent]

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Let me give you a warm and wonderful welcome to Millionaire's Weekend. We have the privilege and honor of getting training from the top producer in the network marketing industry--a man who has made more money in this business than any other person living today--a man who has wowed the crowds with his charisma and charm--a man who has successfully built downlines from Alaska to Saudi Arabia--a man who Success Magazine called "The Modern Miracle Worker of Multi-Level Marketing".

Having just retired from this business to engage full time in his passion for training, this weekend he will share with you his secrets of financial abundance and accumulation of massive wealth. Let's have a warm round of applause for the king of network marketing, the quadruple royal blue diamond, Mr. Scamway himself--Slick Slicker!

[Gravelly, Thick Southern Good Old Boy accent]

Thank you for that deeply warming and gratifying introduction, Mr. Master of Ceremonies. Folks, this weekend we are going to roll up our sleeves and dig deeply into the night earth of wealth accumulation. You have each plunked down a considerable amount of money to spend a weekend with me, and you willingly submitted yourselves to some rather embarrassing searches to make sure you had no recording devices on you. I made you each sign a legally binding agreement not to share my secrets with anyone outside this forum and to forfeit any right to a refund or to sue me should you be dissatisfied.

This is clearly a dedicated body of students!

I promised you in my literature that I would summarize this entire weekend's training in one sentence when we opened the seminar. As always, I will now keep my promise.

People ask me, "Slick, how do you do it? How do you make so much money in this business? It seems like no matter what product or service you market, you have the Midas touch!" Finally, here in my retirement, I am now sharing the secret of my success.

I hope everyone is listening intently and with baited breath.

Here it is:

To succeed in the business of multi-level marketing, you must treat the business opportunity like a religion, the company like its god, and yourself like its prophet and evangelist.

You heard me right. Let me repeat that for those of you sitting there in total disbelief:

To succeed in the business of multi-level marketing, you must treat the business opportunity like a religion, the company like its god, and yourself like its prophet and evangelist.

We will spend this entire weekend discovering and mastering the techniques to build your multi-level marketing cult.

This weekend, figuratively speaking, you will learn how to hunt and herd sheep into your flock. Why would you want to hunt and herd sheep? For the same reason that real shepherds hunt real sheep and herd them into real flocks--to fleece them!

How do they keep them in the flock? Motivation!

For real sheep, the shepherd uses many kinds of time-proven motivations, but they all boil down to the same twin principles: pain and pleasure. You will learn how to get your prospects to become sheep and follow you till doomsday using the dual motives of pain and pleasure--so that you can continue to fleece them as they so richly deserve. After all, they're sheep, and that's all that they deserve!

What happens when a sheep tries to wander from the flock? The other sheep bite it back into the flock! And I will show you how to bite your sheep back into the flock using the four-part BITE formula for mind control: Behavior control, Information control, Thought control and Emotional control.

By the time this weekend is finished, you will have become the supermen and superwomen of this business--and I mean that term in the sense of that great German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche. You will have adopted a moral code that empowers you to dominate over your weaker counterparts who dare to call themselves human as they bleat about this world acting like the sheep that they are.

That new morality--that new you--will no longer have qualms about telling these lowly sheep whatever they need to hear in order that they stay in the flock and live their life's purpose--giving their fleece to you willingly and thanking you for it in the process.

Master propagandist Joseph Goebbels once said: "If you tell a big enough lie loudly enough and for long enough, people will believe it."

I will go one step further: If you tell a big enough lie loudly enough and for long enough, it will become truth. This weekend we will learn how to reshape reality through our spoken words so that lies become truths and truths, lies.

To bring an end to this beginning, let me put together the central thought-themes of two great American philosophers--P.T. Barnum and W.C. Fields: There is a sucker born every minute, and it is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

With the introductions out of the way, let's get started.

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