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Opp-Art Along the lines of your "Parrish"-ing project: I've done something in poetry form that is somewhat similar (and far more presumptuous). While I've done humorous parodies of other poets' work, rhis is the first time I've had the gall to try to improve a famous piece by reconfiguring it to my tastes. Though I've always liked Edward Rowland Sill'd idea for the poen "Opportunity", the execution has never satisfied me. Here is the original, to refresh your memory: Opportunity -- Edward Rowland Sill This I beheld, or dreamed it in a dream:-- There spread a cloud of dust along a plain; And underneath the cloud, or in it raged A furious battle, and men yelled, and swords Shocked up swords and shields. A prince's banner Wavered, then staggered backwards, hemmed by foes. A craven hung along the battle's edge, And thought, "Had I a sword of keener steel -- That blue blade that the king's son bears -- but this Blunt thing -- !" he snapt, and flung it from his hand, And lowering crept away and left the field. Then came the king's son, wou8nded, sore bestead, And weaponless, and saw the broken sword, Hilt buried in dry and trodden sand, And ran and snatched it, and with battle shout Lifted afresh he hewed his enemy down, And saved a great cause that heroic day. Now, in many respects, this is all well and good. But parts of it just don't make it for me -- especially that vague and embarrassing final line. "Great cause" and "heroic day" are pure overkill; if the cause was great and the day heroic, it should already be apparent; if we're not convinced of it by then, this parting insistence is unlikely to change our minds. It's this kind of unspecifying glorification that must have prompted the devastating irony of the poem by -- I think it was Thomas Hood -- about two children and an older man who uncover a human skull in a field in england. The man asserts that it must be a relic from a battle that was known to have been fought on that spot many years ago, "A famous victory", he says. The children, innocent of the appeal of such triumphs, ask him about what was at stake, the principles upheld, the reason for the carnage, and what was its legacy besides this emblem of death. The older man cannot truly say, but keeps echoing what he had been told, that "Twas a famous victory." Anyway, excursions aside, in my version I've retained some of Sill's vocabulary, though it is generally reordered or rephrased, and added the challenge of rhyme to enrich (hopefully) the music. I've kept to an equivalent number of lines as the original -- seventeen -- tho my poem is broken up into three stanzas to emphasize the narrative's distinct parts. (the middle stanza is also segmented at its midpoint for dramatic effect) Opportunity Revisited -- John Sherman Upon this stage of dust, such drama played: Combat's bloody shout, the hiss of steel and sweat As shield bumped shield, and blade shocked battered blade, Till foreign thunder gained the upper threat; The prince of native banners staggered back, And swayed... The fringe of combat heard a craven scoff: "had I a sword as that in the king's son's hand... --But this blunt thing!--" --the harsh, metallic cough Of a blade, knee-snapped, then flung into the sand. Low as a serpent's shadow, he slunk off. Then came the sovereign's son, severely pressed, Wounded, weaponless-- and spied the shattered sword! He ran, a wondering hand snatching this chance bequest, Lifting it high to hew afresh the savage horde, Till foes were fleeing heels, and self-reign was restored. --One shard of hope upraised, full triumph manifest! I fully acknowledge that this is not an equal contest, since Sill had to dream up the context that I merely restructured. (I also have the benefit of your having read his first, the impact and impression of which may have carried over and masked some insufficiency of mine) Still, I'd like your opinion........
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