Joseph: We expect communication to be accurate, unless there are specific reasons to have doubts This observation really resonated with me. I've got an acquaintance, who is a little sketchy, but lovable. Intelligent. He hates insurance companies. He has his reasons, that's for sure. We did some business together back in the 90s, but not for over a decade. Lunch only now. But anyway, we have lunch every so many weeks, I've known him for years. There is one particular non-fiction life 'story', still ongoing, that I shared with him over the years, asking for his opinion and advice. Over the years, there is probably nobody I've shared this story more often with, in greater detail, than him. Recently, last week, I found myself listening to his retelling of this story in summary form, and it was completely and totally mangled. Nearly unrecongizable. So removed from the facts that it seemed completely fictional. And yet, I believe he was honestly trying to reflect back this story to me, in earnest. Major elements had been completely inverted. Events completely out of sequence. My experiences, reflected back in his retelling of those experiences, were nearly unrecognizable. It was as if, in his mind, he had reconstructed a model of what I'd been describing to him -- a non-fiction, real life series of events -- not in the manner or order that I'd described them, but in the manner and order that he'd like them to have been. More palatable fiction from non-fiction? It was an immensely depressing realization; I realized that I'd been totally wasting my breath all these years in the attempt to discuss this issue with him. Admittedly, it was a complex sequence of ordered events, but on the other hand, over countless lunches and even interrogatory emails in which he grilled me over these events, he has had the opportunity to become an 'expert' on the history of this issue, at least. And, complete failure. I questioned my own retelling; surely, it had to be defective to be reflected back this poorly. I looked back at old emails; no, it's all there in proper order, clearly spelled out. But that wasn't the model that has -stuck- in his mind, and so, I failed to convey that. The act of communictation was not accurate; the ground truth of hearing it reflected back to me sounded like whisper down the valley, with only two exchanges: me to him, and him back to me. Disheartening. In this case, he wasn't lying to me. At most, to himself. Towards what end? To construct a model of factual events told to him by another that more easily suited his vision of what that reality must have actaully been like. Maybe some people do this in 'real time' and we call them habitual liars? A certain kind of habitual liar. One who must forever re-model perceptions of reality to make them fit. Something we all might be subject to, more or less, and lets hope, less. regards, Fred
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