Socialism

[From an amusing 2004 blog:]

SOCIALISM IS YOUR FRIEND

Look at it this way:

You go to the pie shop and realize that you only have enough money for one slice of pie. Then in walks Bill Gates who proceeds to buy all the pies and leaves you standing there completely pieless. Is that fair? Why does he get all the pies? Shouldn't he be made to share some of his pies instead of hording them all? Socialism says "YES, everyone is entitled to a piece of the pie! From now on, all pie shops will be under the control of The People, and The People will decide how to distribute the pies fairly and equitably."

Imagine a world where, instead of walking into a pie shop and hoping, PRAYING you have enough money for one itty bitty little piece of pie, you simply put your name on a waiting list for the privilege to go before a special committee, who will carefully determine how deserving you are of pie, and will then give you a slice of pie FOR FREE!!!!! Never again will anyone have to pay for pie, and never again will one man be able to horde ALL the pie. No more will people compete to get more pie than their neighbor. Everyone will be entitled to exactly the same amount of pie, with the exception of the People on the Pie Committee, who will get extra pie because they wear party pins.

How do you get a party pin? Well, you have to join the Party, and that will cost you a fee of 100 pies. Then you have to be approved by the party leader, MOI, and I don't like the shape of your nose. In fact, I think you're being greedy by coming around and asking for pie all the time when the People are starving in the streets. "I want pie! I want pie! ME ME ME ME ME!!!!" You are putting your needs above the needs of The People, and that just won't do. Your selfish attitude is harmful to The People, and you're the reason everyone is starving. It's because of YOU that there aren't enough pies to go around. The only way we're going to make this a perfect Socialist Utopia is if we put a stop to big-nosed, pie-stealing scum like you sabotaging the system! THE PEOPLE MUST BE CLEANSED OF YOUR DISEASE!!!! GET ON THE BOXCAR!!!! NOW!!!!

So the next time some right-wing extremist asks if you're a socialist, just smile and say, "I like pie".

Post 1

Monday, August 25, 2008 - 9:06am

YES, everyone is entitled to a piece of the pie!

Is that so? Why? What does it matter if Bill Gates has all the pies? What is he going to do with all of them if he can't sell them? He can't eat them all. I don't need a piece of pie � I haven't had a piece of pie in years. There's lots of other things to eat and Bill Gates can't own all of them. There's a substitute for almost everything.

Sam

Post 2

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 - 5:10am

I don't want something "for free" I want to EARN what I have and relish the fact that I have earned it. It's infectious and I need the feeling of OWNERSHIP as opposed to ENTITLEMENT!

Post 3

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 - 1:30pm

Why is this topic posted to the Dissent Forum? This is not a defense of socialism but a sarcastic criticism of it.

The obvious answer is that since Claude has been exiled to this forum and cannot post anything to any of the other forums, he has taken the liberty of using the Dissent forum to express his support of capitalism, thereby circumventing the rules of the very site that he has made such a point of trashing and maligning. Recall his vicious mockery of its name and foundational principle, "Rebirth of Reason."

Haven't we had enough nonsense from this bozo?

Claude, get lost!

Post 4

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 - 9:49pm

Bill is right. Claude has nothing but ill will for this site and all who post here. He will just change tactics if allowed to post - so as to barely meet the letter of the requirements while violating the spirit of the site. Dissent is for those who disagree with a basic, key principle and want to debate in a civil fashion. Claude could be restrained from uncivil posts but his malevolent view of Objectivism and his malicious intent to demean can't be changed. It is in no one's interest to let him stay - except for Claude - and his only interest here is to cause harm.

Post 5

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 - 10:29pm

And, he weighs the same as a duck!

Post 6

Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 5:42am

Burn him!!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008 - 7:19pm

Evidently the use of scales to determine who was a witch was a real phenomenon. I had simply assumed Monty Python had made it up. Here's a quote from Victor Hugo's The Man Who Laughs:

Fortunately Ursus had never gone into the Low Countries; there they would certainly have weighed him, to ascertain whether he was of the normal weight, above or below which a man is a sorcerer. In Holland this weight was sagely fixed by law. Nothing was simpler or more ingenious. It was a clear test. They put you in a scale, and the evidence was conclusive if you broke the equilibrium. Too heavy, you were hanged; too light, you were burned. To this day the scales in which sorcerers were weighed may be seen at Oudewater, but they are now used for weighing cheeses; how religion has degenerated! Ursus would certainly have had a crow to pluck with those scales. In his travels he kept away from Holland, and he did well. Indeed, we believe that he used never to leave the United Kingdom.

Post 8

Saturday, December 27, 2008 - 9:03pm