 | Objectivism holds the individual as the highest value. From this core value flows a sense of benevolence toward one's fellow human beings in the quest for productive relationships of value exchange. An Objectivist will thus have a natural motivation to develop skill at cultivating these relationships for his own benefit.
Many books over the centuries have offered advice on how to cultivate good relationships with others. Among their authors, Dale Carnegie stands tall as a strong salesman of such advice. This classic of American self-improvement literature continues "to win friends and influence people."
Objectivists will no doubt find some principles in this book objectionable, such as: "Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, 'You're wrong.'" Other advice plainly needs attention from many Objectivists, such as: "Give honest and sincere appreciation."
Objectivists will benefit from at least giving this book a quick read to glean its best advice and to incorporate those principles into their own knowledge base.
I offer here an outline of the book for the benefit of readers.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person feel happy about doing the thing you suggest. |
How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
