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 The Indefatigable Ralph the RoosterA Swedish farmer had about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wanted chicks. So he approached his neighbour and asked if he has arooster that he would sell. The neighbour said, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Ralph. He just never quits. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Ralph’s owner wanted $3,000 for him, but the farmer decided he'd be worth it. So, he bought Ralph, took him home, set him down in the barnyard, and gave him a pep talk: "I want you to pace yourself. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. So I expect you to do a good job. Take your time and have some fun," Ralph seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the hen house and Ralph took off like a shot. WHAM! Ralph serviced every hen in the hen house - some more than once. The farmer is surprised, but delighted. Not long afterwards, the farmer heard a commotion in the duck pen and, on checking it out, found that Ralph had got into the pen and was at the female ducks. Later, the farmer noticed that Ralph was in among a flock of geese down by the farm pond. By sunset he saw that Ralph had finished with the geese and was out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer knew Ralph wouldn't even last 24 hours at this pace but he couldn‘t think of anything he could do about it, so he went to bed. Next morning, he ran out to check on Ralph and found him on his back in the barnyard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air, and with buzzards circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a useful and expensive animal, shook his head and said, "Oh, Ralph, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself." To his astonishment, Ralph opened one eye, nodded toward the buzzards, and said, "Shhhh! They're getting closer." How to Win the War on Terrorism A guy walks into a bar and notices two men sitting at a corner table. After a closer look, he says to the barman, "Isn't that President Bush and Secretary of State Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, it’s a real honour to have you in our bar. But, what are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We're planning WW III - gonna be an all-out war to end terrorism. The guy says, "That’s terrific - what are you going to do?" Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 20 million radical Muslims this time, along with the next Miss America" The guy exclaimed, "Miss America! Why on Earth kill such a beautiful woman?" Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder, and says, "See, smart ass, I told you no one would worry about the 20 million radical Muslims." | ||||
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