 This morning a newsbimbo revealed that the surviving miner had made great progress in a "hyperbolic chamber". Although the reporter probably intended to say "hyperbaric," the existence of such chambers has far too long been suspected, as a possible cause of certain inexplicable degeneracies of pyramid power. And now, we have it from a source known to be at least as reliable as any source has ever been, from his wearing a truly conventional gravitas mask.
It is suspected by uncountably many that the technology was first invented in Congress. Al Gore almost let slip its existence several times, most notably when the Internet's true provenance transpired. Behind the scenes, forgotten statesmen like Davy Crockett and Andrew Jackson tried occasionally to protect the little folks, but, well, we all remember the Maine, right? It was far too little, far too late; the chambers were thoroughly entrenched.
Most likely, the Congressional technology was the result of a body blow to the head, from earlier technology in the highly-respected world of journalism, as revealed in broadsides and yellowed papers. This leads to an important question: Are journalists now in possession of so advanced a form of the technology, as to be influencing Congress, and even the people, from a great distance?
One thing is for certain: the world will fall apart without everyone's cooperation in kowtowing to the big-government policies that are continuing to make it possible for us to look back on America as the greatest nation on Earth.
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