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 Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.They say that it’s impossible to breathe in space. Tell that to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris makes onions cry. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist. Chuck Norris sheds his skin once a year. Chuck Norris can speak braille. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Centuries from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What the hell was that?” Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it. Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris can email a roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. Chuck Norris went back in time and fathered himself. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem– It wouldn’t take shit from anybody. When Chuck Norris gets too hot, he sweats bullets. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi. Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation. Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn’t have blood. He is filled with magma. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Mr. T at the exact moment Mr. T punched him in the chest. The result was the 80s. *Note: Chuck Norris already knows this list. Unsure about Mr. T. | ||||
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