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Causes of philosophical death

Sanctions: 12
Sanctions: 12
Sanctions: 12
Causes of philosophical deathCauses of death for specific philosophers: a humorous take on philosophical thought.

Aquinas: Last causes
Aristotle: Excessive moderation
Augustine: Hippo
Ayer: Unverifiable
Bacon, F: Hit by idol in market place
Berkeley: Divine neglect
Boole: Became inverted
Bradley: Absolutely everything
Buridan: Asinine starvation
Calvin: Predestined
Camus: Found exit
Cassirer: Symbolic causes
Castaneda: Indexical self-disguise
Chomsky: Degenerative transformation
Confucius: Lost his way
Copernicus: Revolution
Darwin: Became unfit
Dawkins: Suicidal genes
Democritus: Atomised
Dennett: Lost consciousness
Derrida: Deconstructed
Descartes: Stopped thinking
Diodorus: Mastered by the argument
Diogenes: Exposure
Einstein: Diced with God
Epictetus: Crime of passion
Epicurus: Nothing to worry about
Feyerabend: Everything went
Flew: Met the great equaliser
Fodor: Fell off Granny's knee
Foucault: Disempowered
Frege: Fell under a concept
Galileo: Stopped moving
Gödel: Became incomplete
Hegel: Gave up the Geist
Heidegger: Not being in time
Heisenberg: Uncertain causes
Hempel: Explained away
Heraclitus: Fell in the same river twice
Hobbes: Nasty causes
Hofstadter: Holistic trap
Hume: Committed to the flames
Husserl: Phenomenally bad luck
Kant: Found the means to his own end
Kierkegaard: Sick to death
Korsgaard: Kant tell
Kuhn: Paradigm lost
Lacan: Lack
Laplace: Prior arrangement
Levi-Strauss: Eaten by natives
Locke: No idea
Lucretius: Bumped off
Luther: Diet of worms
Lyotard: Post post-modernism
Mach: Unsensational causes
Machiavelli: Intriguing causes
Malcolm: Undreamed of causes
Malebranche: Occasional causes
Marx: Material causes
Mill: Depsychologised
Nagel, Ernest: Reduction
Newton: Fluxions
Nietzsche: Overpowered himself
Pascal: The wagers of sin
Passmore: 100 years of philosophy
Pavlov: Reflexed
Peacocke: Discontent
Peirce: Abducted
Penrose: Became computable
Plato: Caved in
Pollock: Defeated
Popper: Falsified
Pythagoras: Squared on the hypotenuse
Quine: Became a free variable
Rand, Ayn: Objectified
Ramsey: Made redundant
Rawls: Unveiled
Rorty: No foundations
Rousseau: Contract job
Russell: Cut himself shaving
Santayana: A thousand vexations and vanities
Schopenhauer: Lack of will
Skinner, B F: Bad behaviour
Socrates: Consumption
Spinoza: Substance abuse
Turing: Failed his own test
Weber: Overwork
Wheeler: Manifold causes
Whitehead: Procession
Wittgenstein: Became the late Wittgenstein
Zeno: Run over by tortoise




Added by Jenna W
on 3/30, 1:26am

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