Subject: COMPUTERS

Take heart, anyone among you who believes he or she is technologically

 challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin" yet. This is an excerpt from a Wall

 Street Journal article:

 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press

 Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was

 hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the

 plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

 3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to

 fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician

 discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in

 front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

 4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no

 longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and

 water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and

 washing them individually.

 5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged

 because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech

 explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses

 shouldn't be taken personally.

 6 A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He

 told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find

 printer."  The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the

 printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

 7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her

 new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged

 in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power

 button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and

 nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's

 mouse...

 8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new

 computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in

 and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked

 what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power

 switch?"

 9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for

 support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in

 the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to

 put in the third disk, It wouldn’t fit in..." The user hadn't

 realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

 10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:

 CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

 TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

 CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty

 period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

 TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

 CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

 TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did

 you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you

 get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

 CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a

 promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep had to

 mute the caller because he couldn't stand it He was laughing too

 hard.The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a

 cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.

 11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

 The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows."

 The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a

 good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a

 window and his printer is working fine."

 12. And last but not least:

 TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's! press the control and escape keys at the

 same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now

 type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

 CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".

 TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."

 CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"

 TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

 CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"