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Post 0

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 9:59amSanction this postReply
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This is the greatest thing I've ever read.



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Post 1

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 10:00amSanction this postReply
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[hmmmmm - don't read much, do you...] :-)


All kidding aside, it is a good piece...

(Edited by robert malcom on 10/21, 10:01am)




Post 2

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 10:09amSanction this postReply
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But seriously, isn't it every man's fantasy to be able to find a lesbian that would make love to him? lol



Post 3

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 10:23amSanction this postReply
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Thanks Jamie, this piece really cracked me up!

On a more personal note, Dr. Ruth, I would have been interested in you extending the story to "Should I naturally inseminate a lesbian?" Of course, I answered these partners in the negative, but didn't have the confident wit to write a satire on it.

Ed



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Friday, October 21, 2005 - 10:41amSanction this postReply
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But seriously, isn't it every man's fantasy to be able to find a lesbian that would make love to him? lol
I think I'll take this opportunity to gain some illumination on this subject. I've never understood, among other things, the male fascination with lesbianism. You're not gettin' any action from it, so why care?

Sarah



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Post 5

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 10:47amSanction this postReply
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I've never understood, among other things, the male fascination with lesbianism. You're not gettin' any action from it, so why care?
 
Because it's fun to make-believe.

And look at, of course.

rde
That's sacred and we shall never speak of it again in this manner.






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Post 6

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 11:00amSanction this postReply
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"But seriously, isn't it every man's fantasy to be able to find a lesbian that would make love to him? "

That's if you're assuming she's a lipstick lesbian from a porn video and not a butch lesbian wearing boots and flannel listening to Melissa Etheridge and could tackle you in football and has armpit hair and...well, unless you like that sort of thing....not that there's anything wrong with that...



Post 7

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 11:12amSanction this postReply
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But seriously, isn't it every man's fantasy to be able to find a lesbian that would make love to him?
Some, perhaps.  Probably even more would want to find two bi women that would roll in the hey with them...




Post 8

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 11:14amSanction this postReply
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Sarah, you're in luck, as I'm in possession of a 3-part evolutionary theory on the male fascination with lesbianism. I too, had been taken aback by this seemingly contradictory aspect of reality -- so I invented a theory that successfully explains it.

Think about reproductive success now, from a man's point of view. As an introduction, and in the non-human realm, there are cases where cows imitate a currently-disinterested bull (one of them pretends to be a bull and gets behind another cow and ... ). Apparently, this is of some success in getting the bull's "attention."

Human males are likely fascinated with lesbianism for 3 evolutionary reasons:

1) Evidence of female libido. Males are, evolutionarily-speaking, the primary sexual instigators -- females are the choosers. In this respect, a man can waste a lot of energy on seeking out and attempting to instigate sexual relations with women who will be giving him a cold shoulder. The fact that women have taken it upon themselves to engage in sexual activity affirms to males that they have a healthy libido (they are potential sexual mates).

2) Evidence of a lack of male competition. Perhaps the largest obstacle men have had, throughout history, in "procuring" sexual mates -- is other men, men who may have already "procured" them. Being possessive of women you've mated with would be important for males, as you would be spending energy raising a child -- and this energy is wasted if another male has inseminated your mate and you raise his kid (his genes) as yours, and at no cost to him.

If women have taken up sexual activity amongst themselves, that would be indirect evidence that there is not a male mate around -- to fight you for them. This would then reduce anxiety and lower the threshold for instigation of sexual advances toward those women.

3) Sheer numbers. From an evolutionary perspective, the "successful" men would be breeders extraordinaire. In this respect, 2 already sexually-responsive women would be almost twice the value (to act to gain or keep) as would one possibly sexually-responsive woman.

Eat your heart out, Dr. Ruth!

Ed



Post 9

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 11:18amSanction this postReply
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I would have loved to include insemination of a lesbian as a sub-topic in my column, but this appears in a family newspaper. Thanks, though! You've got me thinking about insemination, and that's rarely a bad thing. :-)



Post 10

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 11:20amSanction this postReply
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Ed,

Let me see if I understand this. You're saying that, based on evolutionary pressures, the male fascination with lesbianism boils down to, "Hey, boobs!"

Sarah



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Post 11

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 11:41amSanction this postReply
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(cheesey wah wah guitar riffs mixed with echoey saxophone).....

Joe messes up the vibe with that danged reality, again:
 
That's if you're assuming she's a lipstick lesbian from a porn video and not a butch lesbian wearing boots and flannel listening to Melissa Etheridge and could tackle you in football and has armpit hair and...well, unless you like that sort of thing....not that there's anything wrong with that...

Well, that's the thing, you know... *sob*

rde
Looking furiously on EBay for "Caligula" director's cut with that 12-minute  Anneka & Lori scene Guiccione jacked in there under Malcolm McDowell's nose....







Post 12

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 11:47amSanction this postReply
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Double post deleted
(Edited by Joe Maurone
on 10/21, 11:49am)




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Post 13

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 11:49amSanction this postReply
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Rich, we must be Objective...LOL.

There was a SNL skit where these guys get three wishes from a genie...they wish to see two lesbians making love, of course...they got it. Careful what you wish for!
(To be fair and balanced, nothing worse than watching a hot jock guy in a gay porn...until you hear him talk with a lisp...).





Post 14

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 11:51amSanction this postReply
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Ed - interesting theory.  Points 1 and 3 seem the strongest to me.  The double standard that many straight men have (myself included) with regards to same sex behavior certainly is a contradiction.  We're turned on by the thought of women getting it on, yet repulsed at the thought two men.  I'm not defending it, just telling it like it is.   



Post 15

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 11:54amSanction this postReply
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If I bought into entitlement at all, I'd expect it mandatory that every man gets to have it one time before he dies... :)

rde
Right. That and a cold glass of water would probably kill me.




Post 16

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 12:59pmSanction this postReply
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Hey Sarah, like Ed and yourself, I've wondered about this particular "every man's fantasy" as well, as I don't share it.  I remember seeing a movie called Claire of the Moon that ended with a very tender and seemingly artless sex scene that suggested the following theory to me:  culturally, heterosexual men have a very complicated relationship with their sexual self-esteem.  We tend to place enormous demands upon ourselves in terms of performance and feel the need to project some very specific hyper-masculine qualities at all times, but particularly during sex.  There is precious little room in conventional heterosexual expression for a man's subjectivity, passivity and general sensuality; those aspects of ourselves expressed by a Jungian anima, if you will.

So the fantasy of watching two hot lesbians going at it frees the heterosexual man from the inherent psychic problem of being both male and having passionate feelings at the same time.  The hyper-masculine sexual self of the typical heterosexual man is balanced through fantasy with his unexpressed feminine side, embodied by one or the other woman in the fantasy.  So, on a subconscious level, the man is getting action from it.  It's very relaxing to have all the sexual actors in your fantasy free to express all their feelings, and having men in the fantasy adds a level of self-conscious stress, that lesbian fantasies lack.

See, Sarah, the secret truth they won't tell you about porn is that it primarily gratifies very infantile needs, mainly the gratification of our desires without adult consent and negotiation--the stress of uncertainty and self analysis.  The focus is always on male ego-comfort.  The man says, "Do me!" and that's just what the woman does.  The man has exactly the same relationship with the pornographic fantasy, as a baby has to an idealized mother.  Ever wonder why so many men tend to be fascinated by oversized breasts?  Because, to an infant, all breasts are positively enormous!  Lots of men miss having the kind of on-demand access to female nurturing--the last time they had any such thing was when they were very, very small--but acculturation has eliminated the adult heterosexual man's open access to female nurturing outside of explicitly sexual situations, so his deprived psyche makes due.  ...Or so I've heard.  :-)

-Kevin



Post 17

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 1:34pmSanction this postReply
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Cute and funny Jamie.

Bonk.

btw - I gather from the tone of the article that you presume your friend's lesbian was a human female.

You might be under the wrong assumption.

Michael




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Post 18

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 1:43pmSanction this postReply
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Michael:
I'm not really caught up on the whole homosexual lexicon. "Reach around," I'm aware of, and also "stroking the twins," "rug sampling" and "gargling the hog." So is there an alternate definition of "lesbian" I'm unfamiliar with?



Post 19

Friday, October 21, 2005 - 2:00pmSanction this postReply
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I think it's one of those things that's theoretically hot on paper. Or, at least it used to be. The whole world of porn was so much more fun when it was primitive.

It's the wild wild west out there now. The dark seedy allure is kind of gone.

About as saucy as I get is watching the HBO series Rome, and even that embarrasses me if I'm sitting there with my wife.

btw - I gather from the tone of the article that you presume your friend's lesbian was a human female.

You might be under the wrong assumption

 
Hmmm. One hopes. Personally, I draw the line at cross-species.

rde
The mind is the 2nd thing to go.  

(Edited by Rich Engle on 10/21, 2:04pm)




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