|Hey Sarah, like Ed and yourself, I've wondered about this particular "every man's fantasy" as well, as I don't share it. I remember seeing a movie called Claire of the Moon that ended with a very tender and seemingly artless sex scene that suggested the following theory to me: culturally, heterosexual men have a very complicated relationship with their sexual self-esteem. We tend to place enormous demands upon ourselves in terms of performance and feel the need to project some very specific hyper-masculine qualities at all times, but particularly during sex. There is precious little room in conventional heterosexual expression for a man's subjectivity, passivity and general sensuality; those aspects of ourselves expressed by a Jungian anima, if you will.|
So the fantasy of watching two hot lesbians going at it frees the heterosexual man from the inherent psychic problem of being both male and having passionate feelings at the same time. The hyper-masculine sexual self of the typical heterosexual man is balanced through fantasy with his unexpressed feminine side, embodied by one or the other woman in the fantasy. So, on a subconscious level, the man is getting action from it. It's very relaxing to have all the sexual actors in your fantasy free to express all their feelings, and having men in the fantasy adds a level of self-conscious stress, that lesbian fantasies lack.
See, Sarah, the secret truth they won't tell you about porn is that it primarily gratifies very infantile needs, mainly the gratification of our desires without adult consent and negotiation--the stress of uncertainty and self analysis. The focus is always on male ego-comfort. The man says, "Do me!" and that's just what the woman does. The man has exactly the same relationship with the pornographic fantasy, as a baby has to an idealized mother. Ever wonder why so many men tend to be fascinated by oversized breasts? Because, to an infant, all breasts are positively enormous! Lots of men miss having the kind of on-demand access to female nurturing--the last time they had any such thing was when they were very, very small--but acculturation has eliminated the adult heterosexual man's open access to female nurturing outside of explicitly sexual situations, so his deprived psyche makes due. ...Or so I've heard. :-)