|Deanna, I'm sorry, but no no no no no(!):|
"but it is definitely beneficial for me to forgive him so that I may have relief."
for·give/fərˈgɪv/ Show Spelled [fer-giv] Show IPA verb, for·gave, for·giv·en, for·giv·ing.
verb (used with object) 1.
to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
to grant pardon to (a person).
to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.
How does forgiving a nihilist give one relief? How does one benefit from releasing perpetrators from moral responsibility?
To forgive horrendous moral debts like this, big, huge un-repayable debts, from people who never had any intention of ever respecting the value of your life in the first place is an altruistic sacrifice, and an evil in itself. I don't admire people who cut themselves to spiritual shreads for the atonement of a distant, indifferent evil. It sick, and to claim a value for that kind of soul mutilation is, quite frankly, disgusting.
Again, I apologise, but I can't think of a kind or fluffy way to express this. I understand that people are raised with the idea of forgiveness as a virtue, but it just isn't a virtue. Is ceasing to "feel resentment against" someone who willfully destroyed an irreplaceable value in your life honestly a virtue? If so, why? Sounds like a mental illness leading to spiritual suicide to me.
There is dealing with, living with, overcoming, and hopefully rebuilding, but there should never ever be "forgiving" of willful evil.
When a debt can never be repaid, forgiveness is not an option.