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Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - 2:53amSanction this postReply
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Wow, Barry, that's really good. You had me dreading the ending -- I like how you put the tension in the third stanza and then drew it out through the fourth and didn't resolve it until the last line.

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Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - 2:37pmSanction this postReply
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Thanks Jeff

There's a very long, sad story behind it. Months in the making but all of five minutes to write.

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Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 3:18pmSanction this postReply
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Beautiful! The scene is dreamy and the ending made me sigh. What I love most about this is that your use of language tools actually creates the feeling of waves- or of making love- making the reader feel like they're actually on that beach... the alliteration and internal rhymes, and especially the aaa, bbb, etc. end rhymes give the sense of slowly rocking back and forth... Very well done!

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