| | OK, Aquinas.
1) "If you meant to imply that by given him many opportunities to choose his values in his life I am treating him like a little adult, that might make more sense, but I would say that I am treating him like a person."
"many opportunities": I have always given my son "many opportunities" to choose his values. Kelly argues that we should never foist any of our own values upon our children. As I mentioned in another post, my objection is to the idea that children should not be actively taught anything they do not seek out on their own.
2) As to the definition of force, yes, I define it as involving physical force or the threat thereof, and nothing less. Do I really think the child has a choice when one option is being spanked? Yes.
3) Do you see something wrong with bribing children? Maybe I shouldn't use that word, but I often pay my son to do chores and the like. I have found money to be an excellent motivator.
4) "I’d like to hear what subject/ field of study a child cannot eventually learn by picking up the initial facts that their intellectual context can handle." Hmm. Quantum mechanics? We've got plenty of quantum mechanics books at home; my husband's a physicist. I cannot just pick up a book and learn it. If I decide to learn quantum mechanics, I will need to go back to SCHOOL and take several CLASSES taught by TEACHERS. And thank goodness I have a solid math background already, or we'd be talking about several more years of study. Why, even my husband said he had to take Quantum three times before he understood it. Maybe you're just smarter than I am, but I find some subjects very hard to master just by perusing a book.
5) "In your opinion what is a permissible productive endeavor for a young child (3-10 yrs of age) to pursue." Not sure what you are getting at here. Some examples for a three-year-old would be: playing with different sized cups in the bathtub, learning to read The Cat in the Hat, making mudpies, interacting with other children. For a 10-year-old, learning to play the piano, learning algebra, improving his soccer skills, reading Harry Potter, writing a story, working on his website. A nonproductive endeavor would be one from which I would attempt to distract or redirect the child, such as watching TV or playing video games. This is not to say that those unproductive activities are forbidden, just that it is not something I want my child to do ALL DAY.
6) "If he can truly entertain himself without affecting you pursuing your goals what is wrong with him choosing to hang out at home." Because he's wasting his time!!! Would he be happier in August to have frittered away his entire vacation, or to have developed some skills and learned some new things? You think I should not emphasize learning, that there is more to life. But childhood is the time for learning, and I think we should try to learn what we can while we are young, because that's when we have time for it.
7) "Why can’t he decide what is a better use of his time?" I don't know, but he can't. I suspect it's because he's a kid. ;-) You probably meant "Why don't you allow him to decide". I have experienced week-long school breaks, and have seen what Peter does with his free time when he is not guided. One thing I do to get him to come up with his own activities is to suggest that he make up a List of Things to Do for the day. This seems to help him to balance his time and get in some of those endeavors that I consider "productive." Then, at the end of the day, he doesn't have that sinking feeling that the day is gone with nothing to show for it.
8) "In all of my 12 years coaching I have not met one lazy child between the ages of 18 months and about 4 or 5 years old." Right. Laziness in learning kicks in after 5 years of age. I will never know if this is because I was a bad parent and sent my kid to school, since I can't go back in time and undo it.
Ooh, new post came up: Lance writes "I think the best course of action is to clearly present the child with a catalogue of options. Soccer, chess, golf, karate, violin, chemistry, whiffle ball, Latin, etc and have the child select 3 (or whatever number) of subjects to study intensely. And then introduce new subjects as the child progresses. An idle child becomes a wretched and needy adult." I like that a lot!
On this thread, I find that I am typing more and enjoying it less! If I might change the subject and mood for a moment, do you all have any good non-fiction book suggestions for the 8-12 age range? I find that the children's section of the local library carries a huge selection of children's fiction based on supernatural themes, and is sorely lacking in kids' nonfiction. I go to the bookstore, and am disappointed there as well. Do Kelly and David have any recommendations for children's books to leave "lying around" to spark your child's interest in various academic subjects? We've got an enormous library at home, but almost all books for grownups. Slim pickings for an eight-year-old except for our Dilbert and Life in Hell comic collections!
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