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Post 100

Monday, May 9, 2005 - 10:52pmSanction this postReply
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OK, Aquinas.
1) "If you meant to imply that by given him many opportunities to choose his values in his life I am treating him like a little adult, that might make more sense, but I would say that I am treating him like a person."
"many opportunities":  I have always given my son "many opportunities" to choose his values.  Kelly argues that we should never foist any of our own values upon our children.  As I mentioned in another post, my objection is to the idea that children should not be actively taught anything they do not seek out on their own.

2) As to the definition of force, yes, I define it as involving physical force or the threat thereof, and nothing less.  Do I really think the child has a choice when one option is being spanked?  Yes.

3) Do you see something wrong with bribing children?  Maybe I shouldn't use that word, but I often pay my son to do chores and the like.  I have found money to be an excellent motivator.

4)  "I’d like to hear what subject/ field of study a child cannot eventually learn by picking up the initial facts that their intellectual context can handle."  Hmm.  Quantum mechanics?  We've got plenty of quantum mechanics books at home; my husband's a physicist.  I cannot just pick up a book and learn it.  If I decide to learn quantum mechanics, I will need to go back to SCHOOL and take several CLASSES taught by TEACHERS.  And thank goodness I have a solid math background already, or we'd be talking about several more years of study.  Why, even my husband said he had to take Quantum three times before he understood it.  Maybe you're just smarter than I am, but I find some subjects very hard to master just by perusing a book. 

5) "In your opinion what is a permissible productive endeavor for a young child (3-10 yrs of age) to pursue."  Not sure what you are getting at here.  Some examples for a three-year-old would be: playing with different sized cups in the bathtub, learning to read The Cat in the Hat, making mudpies, interacting with other children.  For a 10-year-old, learning to play the piano, learning algebra, improving his soccer skills, reading Harry Potter, writing a story, working on his website.  A nonproductive endeavor would be one from which I would attempt to distract or redirect the child, such as watching TV or playing video games.  This is not to say that those unproductive activities are forbidden, just that it is not something I want my child to do ALL DAY.

6) "If he can truly entertain himself without affecting you pursuing your goals what is wrong with him choosing to hang out at home."  Because he's wasting his time!!!  Would he be happier in August to have frittered away his entire vacation, or to have developed some skills and learned some new things?  You think I should not emphasize learning, that there is more to life.  But childhood is the time for learning, and I think we should try to learn what we can while we are young, because that's when we have time for it.

7) "Why can’t he decide what is a better use of his time?"  I don't know, but he can't.  I suspect it's because he's a kid.  ;-)  You probably meant "Why don't you allow him to decide".  I have experienced week-long school breaks, and have seen what Peter does with his free time when he is not guided.  One thing I do to get him to come up with his own activities is to suggest that he make up a List of Things to Do for the day.  This seems to help him to balance his time and get in some of those endeavors that I consider "productive."  Then, at the end of the day, he doesn't have that sinking feeling that the day is gone with nothing to show for it.

8) "In all of my 12 years coaching I have not met one lazy child between the ages of 18 months and about 4 or 5 years old."  Right.  Laziness in learning kicks in after 5 years of age.  I will never know if this is because I was a bad parent and sent my kid to school, since I can't go back in time and undo it.

Ooh, new post came up:  Lance writes "I think the best course of action is to clearly present the child with a catalogue of options. Soccer, chess, golf, karate, violin, chemistry, whiffle ball, Latin, etc and have the child select 3 (or whatever number) of subjects to study intensely. And then introduce new subjects as the child progresses. An idle child becomes a wretched and needy adult."  I like that a lot!

On this thread, I find that I am typing more and enjoying it less!  If I might change the subject and mood for a moment, do you all have any good non-fiction book suggestions for the 8-12 age range?  I find that the children's section of the local library carries a huge selection of children's fiction based on supernatural themes, and is sorely lacking in kids' nonfiction.  I go to the bookstore, and am disappointed there as well.  Do Kelly and David have any recommendations for children's books to leave "lying around" to spark your child's interest in various academic subjects?  We've got an enormous library at home, but almost all books for grownups.  Slim pickings for an eight-year-old except for our Dilbert and Life in Hell comic collections!

 


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Post 101

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 6:41amSanction this postReply
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Laure asks:
Do Kelly and David have any recommendations for children's books to leave "lying around" to spark your child's interest in various academic subjects?
I'm a little confused by this question because, as I recall, Kelly and David have a 20 month old child.  How would they necessarily be able to give this kind of advice?  Perhaps the title of the article that started this thread is a little misleading: "Why We Unschool".  Actually, they don't unschool.  They plan to, but since their daughter is only 20 months old, it's a little disingenuous to say that they already are.

I went to the Sudbury site that David or Kelly mentioned.  It was interesting, but, like you would expect from a glossy brochure, it doesn't say anything about the typical students, or, more importantly, the failures.  I found the stories about alumni a little too vague to be of much value.

Phil said:
If you think children should be given unhindered right to pursue whatever interest they want, what if they want to not eat their vegetables or to eat only sugary foods, should you force or 'encourage' them at an age when they truly cannot grasp the reasons and would only be doing it to please you? And if you encourage them to do something or they do it to please you, what is wrong with encouraging them in the area of education or subjects to read about?
I think this is an interesting question.  Do Kelly and David let their child choose what food she will eat?  If not, what about volition?  Why should they decide what's best for the child? 

To continue the analogy, suppose the child only wants to eat food that is not nutritional and is fattening?  (This is an analogy with the boy who only wanted to fish all day.)  Then, at age 9 or 10, when she is 4 ft 5 in tall and weighs 300 pounds, she develops a passion for running marathons, all she has to do is lose the weight and make up for a "lifetime" of physical unfitness (after, of course, learning to read so she can study up on how to be physically fit).

If Kelly and David do unschool their daughter when the time comes that it is actually of some significance, I hope that it is successful.  But I'm pessimistic.  I'm with Phil and the others on this.

Thanks,
Glenn


Post 102

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 6:54amSanction this postReply
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I ask if Kelly and David have any children's book recommendations because Kelly has indicated that she has a background as a teacher, and may be familiar with what's out there for kids.  If anyone else has some recommendations, I'd love to hear them.

The question of a child's eating habits is a good one, but I was hesitant to bring it up.  I personally make use of the "no ice cream until you eat your beans" ploy.  (Although once, I actually heard myself say "finish your french fries before you eat your M&Ms."  Gaaahh!!  Bad mommy!!!!)


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Post 103

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 7:24amSanction this postReply
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Do Kelly and David let their child choose what food she will eat?  If not, what about volition?  Why should they decide what's best for the child?
Kelly and I have to use coercion every day with out child, Livy. We have to put sandals on her feet to keep them from getting cut, even if Livy doesn't like it. We have to put her in the baby seat instead of our lap, which is where she prefers to be. We have to stop her or redirect her near the street. Etc. As far as food goes, we only have in our frig the things that we and she should be eating to be healthy -- not that we don't do fast food occasionally and all of us pig a bit.

The point to this is that she obviously doesn't know everything that is bad for her or good for her, so coercion is necessary. We don't coerce her when she is pursuing things that may harm her a tiny bit (but teach her a lesson) or that are fun for her: climbing on the table and playing with the light, spilling water for the umteenth time on the floor as an experiment in waterfalls or gravity, etc.

The fact that we have to use coercion at this stage so often makes it even more compelling to not use it when we don't have to, and we must rationally verify each time that we are doing the righ thing.

The assumption of the schoolers on this thread is that she doesn't know what's good for her as far as educating herself. Since that is your presumption, you obviously think coercion is necessary. That is understandable, considering your ideas on the matter.

But since we think her volition is of utmost importance and that she will work out her own ideas and plans, we will use all necessary force to keep all coercive educators at bay! :-)



Post 104

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 7:29amSanction this postReply
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do you all have any good non-fiction book suggestions for the 8-12 age range?
Laure, I like this topic sooo much better! And I'd like to hear you recommendations as well.

You know, at this moment, my son is reading a set of children's encyclopedia from A to Z! The set is called "The New Books of Knowledge" that a Scholastic rep tricked me of buying a couple of years ago.

When my son keeps asking me questions that I can no longer answer, I now always say "Well, let's check what encyclopedia says about that!". And get myself off the hook! He then picks up from this encyclopedia the topics he's interested in, and we get more specialized books for him. So far it works great. I even worry that he might have read too much. He has just got a pair of glasses! Urrgh. What's worse, he loves wearing it!

(Edited by Hong Zhang on 5/10, 7:32am)


Post 105

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 7:39amSanction this postReply
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When my brother and I were that age, my Mom and I took turns reading aloud from Kon-Tiki by Thor Heyerdahl. This was a fun story about explorers sailing out to Polynesia on a raft built from materials available on the coast of South America.

Jim


Post 106

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 7:55amSanction this postReply
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Aquinas, I just caught this

Hong, I don't really understand how someone can feel passionate about a subject and not want to discuss it. I would assume the more sacred you feel about something the more you would want interested parties to hear about it. I'm interested.

I appreciate your interest very much. I think in time you will understand my sentiment. Actually, I think I've already said pretty much what I want to say on this topic in this thread.

 

Thanks.

Hong 




Post 107

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 8:23amSanction this postReply
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Hong said to Aquinas,

I think in time you will understand my sentiment.
Yes, Hong, Aquinas will surely come around to your lack of thinking on this subject given enough time, eh? I think we are quite clear on your sentiment. Here's your quote from Post 56:

P.S. Very sad though thinking about that most of you've said should have been so obvious...
Without making your case in this matter, you simply make a snide remark to those who have spent years thinking about and discussing this issue. It is not obvious, as is shown by the passionate discussion on this thread. What is very sad is your inability to understand when you insult people. That kind of inability to consider a new subject (which you say you consider to be "too sacred" to discuss) is supposed to be the theme of SOLO. It is why I'm here and it is why I left the ARI sanctioned sites.


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Post 108

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 8:45amSanction this postReply
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Glenn said,

"Do Kelly and David have any recommendations for children's books to leave "lying around" to spark your child's interest in various academic subjects? I'm a little confused by this question because, as I recall, Kelly and David have a 20 month old child.  How would they necessarily be able to give this kind of advice?  Perhaps the title of the article that started this thread is a little misleading: "Why We Unschool".  Actually, they don't unschool.  They plan to, but since their daughter is only 20 months old, it's a little disingenuous to say that they already are."

It isn't disingenuous at all. Her little playmates are heading off to preschool in the fall. She will not be going. Plenty of people find lots of ways to direct children's learning and playing, even at her age. As unschoolers, we do not.

As for your other question about food. What she does with her time is her own business. What I buy with my money is mine. I bring only healthy things (and a few others, but not many) into the house. When she is able to buy candy with her own money, she is welcome to make herself sick eating it. I don't imagine that will last too long. Children are not little adults, but they aren't idiots either.

Kelly

Post 109

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 8:52amSanction this postReply
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David,
Your post is uncalled for. I merely expressed my agreement with Phil, and then posted again only on his invitation. Hopefully we CAN agree to disagree.

Hong


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Post 110

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 8:52amSanction this postReply
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Hong, I think I can understand why you don't care to jump into the fray here.

As for books, my son enjoys looking things up in almanacs.  He also has a "Guinness World Records" book which is great for soaking up lots of knowledge about the culture in which we live.  He loves PC Magazine and Wired, especially the articles describing new gadgets.  I found an old book, "Disney's Wonderful World of Knowledge" from 1971 a while back.  When I bought it, it was still beyond Peter's reading level, but it's about right now.  I need to remind him of its existence!  It has a lot of interesting science and technology articles, the theme being human inventions.  It discusses everything from early writing systems to the wheel to telescopes and televisions.


Post 111

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 9:39amSanction this postReply
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WIRED is a wonderful mag..... even if more to higher than general kid's vocabulary -but then, perhaps not in today's world


Post 112

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 9:45amSanction this postReply
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Laure,
I don't have children (other than my 3 Golden Retrievers), but when I was about that age
my mother purchased "The New Wonder World Cultural Library" published by Parents Institute.
I read most of all 10 volumes in a year or two. 

I don't know whether it is still published (this was 1968), but such things can often be found in
used book stores. (www.abebooks.com)

I still read them from time to time.

1. Understanding the Universe
9. Famous People of All Time

are two volumes that are still relevant.


Post 113

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 7:23amSanction this postReply
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There is much discussion about unschooling now, the 21st century.  Let's not forget history.  Socialist one-size-fits-all public schooling is only about 150 years old.  Prior to the Civil War, nearly everyone was unschooled, yet literacy rates were better than now.  (About 40 percent of Viet Nam era draftees could not read an army manual.  Apparently there was no such problem during the Civil War)  For example, Congressman Davy Crockett (Remember the Alamo) was literate and eloquent, yet he attended school for only 4 or 5 days, quitting to avoid a bully.


Post 114

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 10:14amSanction this postReply
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Laure,

I don't want my objections to formal schooling and strong endorsement of unschooling to discourage your posts on what you believe is appropriate (ideal?) for raising your child.

A lot of yours and Philip's points are similar if not some of the same ones I brought up to Kelly and myself before I was thoroughly convinced. By revisiting these objections along with some others I had not thought of originally I am better able to clear up in my own mind some things were still seemingly problematic to me.

I brought up my background in teaching not to just note my extensive personal experience but also to show how much I had invested to retain my original, erroneaous views when it came to what is proper and ideal concerning children and education.

So obviously post when you feel it is a value to you but I just wanted to let you know that your posts also have some value to me.

Aquinas


Post 115

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 10:54amSanction this postReply
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I think this article  ["Intrinsic Motivation doesn't exist, researcher says"] is interesting and is related to this thread.  Assumptions about the internal and external motivations of children are being made as part of the basis of argument here.  I'd be interested in hearing thoughts about where people here think motivation comes from.

Post 116

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 11:30amSanction this postReply
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Mike,

I would say that motivation should come from within and is fostered the best from an unschooling approach.

I think the more a child is consciously directed(encouraged) to certain activities (academic or otherwise) the more and more likely the child will become second-handed (becoming primarily motivated to do things for the approval of their parents or a teacher). 

The less that a parent does this the more their child will feel confident in their abilities to achieve their own values.

Aquinas


Post 117

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 2:59pmSanction this postReply
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" Prior to the Civil War, nearly everyone was unschooled, yet literacy rates were better than now. " [Erik]

"Nearly everyone" is a radical overstatement: Many parts of the country had excellent systems of schools and the literacy rate was highest -where- there were schools: New England (the best schooled and best educated part of the country, one of the things we -can- thank the Puritans for).

As opposed to backwoods Appalachia for example. Redneck doesn't just refer to necks burnt by working in the sun all day. It impies a lack of sophistication and education. Also, up to and even past the Civil War: The North, vs. the South (where population was less concentrated in cities and schools more difficult for farm kids to get to.)

This is another reason why I think it's important for -everyone- to get a solid grounding in both world and American history. You'll avoid sweepingly oversimplified ideas.

[the literacy rate comparison stated with such sweeping assurance? I'd need to see some evidence on that.]



Post 118

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 3:12pmSanction this postReply
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I Googled "historical literacy rates" and it's amazing how everyone can bend those statistics to their own purposes.  The Christians think literacy is down because we don't study the Bible in public schools.  The Socialists think literacy is down because of capitalism.  If you look at Census Bureau statistics, literacy is much, much higher now than it was during the Civil War.  The folks that are saying literacy is down are looking at statistics that show a large percentage of the population being literate at a low-functioning level.  It's hard to know exactly how that is defined.  So, I think it's mighty hard to get objective data on this issue.

Post 119

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 4:49pmSanction this postReply
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By the way, Laure and Hong and Kat, I think your posts contribute mightily to this discussion.

Where I tend to err is I can be too terse, or pack too many abstractions into a sentence or a dense paragraph. All three of you have, for example, supplemented or added to this by slowing down and giving detail, examples, concretization. From educating your own children and in other ways.

And Laure, you do not have to be an essayist or stylist. Your posts are packed with lucid and telling points. Miss Rand once said in effect the first three principles of good writing, persuading, communication are:

Clarity, clarity, and.... damn, I forgot....
.
.
.
.

Oh yes: Clarity.
(Edited by Philip Coates
on 5/10, 4:52pm)


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