| | Little Eddie Objectivist was reading his children's book, Impenetrable Forts: When toddlers declare their sovereignty, when he overheard Mommy and Daddy talking about meeting president-elect Obama on the campaign trail. "What's this?" he said to himself in baby-talk, "my parents ... Obammunists???" They were talking about having their son along and ...
[sound of tires screeching in Little Eddie's head]
"Their son??? I'm their son!!!" he said to himself in horror. He crawled out to the living room in stealth, creeping up behind his parents who were sitting together on the couch. There were being giddy and saying things like "Oh, isn't that cute!" Little Eddie had to find out what it was they were discussing so he taped a mirror onto the end of a stick so that he could see over the edge of the couch without his parents finding out he was there.
They were looking at pictures.
What Little Eddie saw next put him into a grimacing catatonia. He saw himself sleeping, being held by none other than Obama himself.
"How am I to ever fall asleep again???" he thought to himself.
His parents had taken him along to a political rally and, bored with the stale political superficiality of adults, he fell asleep there. While asleep, his parents had met Obama and had asked Obama to hold their sleeping boy for a picture. His parents giddily recanted the story to each other while Little Eddie was crouched behind the couch listening in:
"Sure!" Obama had said to them, "I mean, what better way to get the message across that I'm for the little guy than to actually hold a little guy in my arms!" While Mommy, along with several others, were taking the pictures, Daddy asked Obama if he wanted to punish success. Obama told him that he just wanted to spread the wealth around. At that moment, Little Eddie, still asleep and in Obama's arms ... vomited all over Obama's suit.
[Little Eddie, hearing his folks recant this turn of the event, clenched his fist in triumphant glee and said a silent "Yessss!" to himself]
Little Eddie, now aware that he had personally impacted Obama's life, snuck away from the couch and frantically paged through his book about Impenetrable Forts. Now, it seemed to him, the time horizon before Obama's goons show up has been shortened immensely. He needed to get to work as soon as possible. He had the idea for the impenetrable fort, but he needed weaponry to defend it. He knew that living with parents would limit him in that respect so, even though he liked the name even more than the firepower, using his Dad's credit card to order the:
Objective Individual Combat Weapon (XM29)
http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/systems/ground/m29-oicw.htm
... was definitely off of the table as a viable option. Besides being hard to hide, it would be cumbersome for his small frame to manage. No. He had to think of weaponry already associated with toddlers. That would provide the ultimate stealth. He could build up an arsenal right under the noses of his snooping parents. He thought to himself "What have I, as a toddler, been exposed to that could serve as a weapon?" He remembered a time when Mommy was boiling a baby bottle of milk in a pan and she forgot about it and let it get too hot. He didn't try milk again for a month, it was such a disturbing experience.
He started collecting pots, pans, and baby bottles under his bed -- and keeping a keen eye on how much milk there was in the refrigerator.
He had his ultimate weapon. Obama's goons didn't stand a chance.
To solidify his confidence he reflected on how everyone -- even Obama's goons -- was a baby at one time and had got milk that was too hot (and how that must have, similarly, emotionally scarred them). He jumped to his feet as if he was in the process of defending his fort against the goons and he shouted, in baby-talk, down to his imaginary would-be captors:
"Feel the wrath of hot milk raining down upon you! And tell your friends ... I've got five more bottles of this skin-scalding dairy product cooking just for them when they get here!"
(Edited by Ed Thompson on 11/30, 10:46am)
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