| | Angela Lucas, Jason Dixon, David Elmore and other advocates of thinking through the characteristics you want to find in a mate are not at odds with my viewpoint. Having standards and developing friendships, romantic relationships, and marriages with others who have high and rational standards is extremely important. Objectivists are commonly very good at recognizing this. Evaluating other people and their particular actions is often a great challenge for them, as it is for everyone else. When applying the standards of an Objectivist, it is very essential to be aware of the context of one's own knowledge and the context of the life of the person being evaluated. While core values should be sought in those one would love and a list might be of some use in maintaining one's focus beyond, say, great sex, few of us could ever make a list that would flesh out someone we might actually love. Of course, the list properties are not sufficient.
What is more, when a relationship is well-developed, there may be moments when you or your listee fall short on some essential standard. Objectivists too often then either shoot themselves or the one they loved. Very often, it is wiser to remember the entire context of a relationship and set out to simply solve the problem, rather than shout "Standard violation, you are no good." You or your established friend, romantic interest, or spouse have a very great value in your past and may often have a very great value together in your future. The advice that my mom and Michael Stuart Kelly's mom gave to work to have a good marriage simply recognized this fact of life. The same holds true of friendships. There were reasons for forming a friendship or for loving someone and it is important to remember them in the context of making a judgment of a present action. You will constantly be doing this as a thinking person and you cannot afford to be a context dropper when doing so.
As long as a list is used with moderate expectations, for the sake of maintaining a reasonable focus, it may be a useful strategy. But good and interesting people, even with the ability to search the whole world via the internet, are still a rare find. Finding someone among that small set of people who is a perfect romantic match and will make a perfect marriage partner, is still likely to be an improbable outcome. Most of us would not be perfect on our own lists. I wish you all the best of luck. I found my pretty good Objectivist wife 31 years ago and she has put up with her pretty good husband all that time. It is not a perfect marriage, but it is a good marriage. It has its trying moments and it has its heavenly moments. I have three fine daughters to love. Some of you may be as fortunate and some may yet be as fortunate. Many of you are likely to be less fortunate. If I were a highly committed perfectionist in this, I would be alone today and that would not have been a life-affirming outcome. I suggest you be realists and do the best you can do. If you do not find the perfect partner, it does not necessarily mean that you have no standards. It may just mean that the perfect partner was not in sufficient supply. For you men, an unpleasant fact of reality is that there is about 1 woman per 3 men among the admirers of Ayn Rand in the Atlasphere directory. It seems that there is an insufficient supply of good women, especially. So treat the women you meet here well!
|
|
