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Post 40

Friday, May 5, 2006 - 12:24pmSanction this postReply
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In response to my posts 20 and 29, Sharon wrote,
An afterthought, Bill,

Do you think that Objectivism needs to overhaul the etiquette books?
Sharon, I see nothing wrong with etiquette, but that doesn't mean that every rule of etiquette is appropriate just because it happens to be adopted.

But I've been having second thoughts about this particular example. There may, in fact, be a legitimate egoistic reason for offering the last mint to someone else before taking it. Suppose that two people reach for it at the same time. Who gets it? To avoid this kind of clash and to grease the wheels of social intercourse, it may be that a rule was adopted to designate the entitled party. The rule was this: First ask if anyone else wants it. If someone says, yes, he or she is entitled to it, and there is no clash. If the person says, no, you are entitled to it, and again there is no clash.

Once the rule was adopted, people automatized it and it became a social convention that people proceeded to practice without really understanding the rationale behind it. Parents then taught the rule to their children as a mindless duty without any explanation for its reason.

This, of course, is the wrong way to teach ethics or etiquette to children, and this is one of the biggest problems our culture faces today: the adoption of mindless, duty oriented ethics that are not based on any rational foundation. We see this most clearly in religion, which lays down ethics as commandments from God or from some authority figure -- categorical, contextless and "self-sacrificial" rules that one is supposed to follow on the basis of faith. And then, of course, people wind up rejecting these rules, because they don't understand the reasons for them.
What about serving yourself before passing the salt?
This makes perfect sense. Why pass the salt to others first? They would just have to pass it back to you. So, if you serve yourself, you bypass this extra step.
How about holding the door, and permitting someone else to pass through first?
I think most people do that, because it saves time and is more convenient for both of them.
Reading the newspaper at the table?
It could be considered rude, if you want a pleasant and conversant mealtime environment.
Can no behaviour become automatized?
No, of course not, but if the rule is appropriate, there should be legitimate reasons for it, and those reasons should be understood.
Are these social niceties the thin edge, that opens into full-blown altruism?
No, and I certainly didn't mean to imply that. I was only suggesting that there may be grounds to question some of them.
What practical applications have you made in overcoming these issues?
Not sure what you're getting at here. Care to elaborate?

- Bill
(Edited by William Dwyer
on 5/05, 12:28pm)


Post 41

Saturday, May 6, 2006 - 6:06amSanction this postReply
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Good Morning Bill.

Thank you for your second thoughts.  This is the sort of thinking that I was looking for.  An etiquette book for those who reason.  I like your term "mindless duty".

Mindless duties are the first things that children are taught; because they have no ability to understand the historical background of compliant behaviour. In order for adults to exist in the same house with children, there must be some mindless duties, in the early months and years. Automatization is necessary, because expediency is necessary. Parents don't have your luxury of a few days contemplation before having to make a snap decision that could have long-lasting implications in the future.

The adult duty to the child; is to design the mindless duties in such a way as to be able to justify them to the children when they obtain the age of reason.  As I tried to assert in an earlier post, a child's moral development begins with the teaching of these seemingly superficial social conventions.  This is what I was getting at when I asked about your experience in applying these notions to practical life.

Telling adults, who may have learned otherwise, how to live moral lives, is quite different than pro-actively, and without error, instilling the will to live a moral life in a developing child.

I think that by creating this etiquette book for the children of Objectivists, Ayn Rand's philosophy would be taught to the world, by osmosis. Here's how I see it developing.

Objectivists study child development in the physical, emotional, and intellectual domains.

Objectivists outline, in terms of observable, behavioural objectives; the adult responsibilities toward the child at various stages of development, based on the child's developmental needs.

Objectivists create intellectual, emotional and social growth strands of observable behaviours based on child development hierarchies.

Joseph Rowlands would publish  Ayn Rand's Guide to Raising Excrutiatingly Ideal Objectivist Children.

This book would be illustrated by Landon Erp's cartoons, and would become a best seller.  

A newspaper column would be launched, and the literate world would become Objectivist.

As editor, Bill Dwyer would become a child rearing guru and have his own wildly popular phone-in-advice-programme on satellite radio. Experience with children is not necessary; an impeccable ability to reason and speak childreneese, is. 

We could start by digging out Haim Ginott's books and talking to Robert Campbell.

Just dreaming out loud again.                  (I've had too much opposition with my notion of thinking  :)    
Sharon
  

Post 42

Saturday, May 6, 2006 - 7:04amSanction this postReply
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Ye do not find Haim Ginott's books of value?

Post 43

Saturday, May 6, 2006 - 7:10amSanction this postReply
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Look on the sunny side Robert; dig them out of oblivion.

Post 44

Sunday, May 7, 2006 - 5:18amSanction this postReply
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Having just read that post from the heart #74, by Jeff Small on the thread;  "When Men Become Nem",  I realize how significant this book proposal is. 

Some of the issues that Jeff brings up about living as Objectivists in the real world, would be answered here.  In light of Jeff's article, I'm revising the title:

                                   Ayn Rand's Guide to Raising Excrutiatingly Heroic Objectivist Children

I'm a bit puzzled by Robert Malcolm's negative reaction, though.  Does anyone think that I'm making some kind of nasty parody?  I'm being lighthearted, perhaps, but certainly not sarcastic or condescending.  If anyone else read a negative tone in my proposal, it's unfortunate.  Good fortune rewards the prepared mind.

Perhaps Jeff, also, has some ideas for this book.   I read once,  that he likes to fix things.   :)  

Bravo, for sharing your thoughts Jeff.  I avoided posting after yours, because I wanted to see your name on the board.

Sharon

Post 45

Sunday, May 7, 2006 - 7:56amSanction this postReply
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There was nothing negative - was a question ... indeed, the implication was that YOU decried those books, so asked .....

Indeed, his works have been well carried on by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish... they hardly need any 'dusting off' as they've never gathered dust.....

(Edited by robert malcom on 5/07, 7:59am)


Post 46

Sunday, May 7, 2006 - 8:51amSanction this postReply
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Exactly, Robert.     It was your implication of my implication that surprised me. I have always been a fan of his. 

Immediately after signing off from that post, I went to the web, and found  Haim Ginott's works alive and well.  When I mention his name in the real world, no one seems to have heard of him; hence my suggestion to dig him up. 

Is he a household name in your world?     btw What did you think about the book proposal?

Sharon

Post 47

Sunday, May 7, 2006 - 9:30amSanction this postReply
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Do not know how well he is yet known over here, since my books were gained when they came out, but do see the works around here and there, so presume still in use - certainly his 'successors' have well carried on the ideas, with several more detailing books out over the years....

As for the projected book - thought ye were being sarcastic about that.... but yes, would be an interesting, tho limited in appeal, work [and no, sorry, too many book projects of my own to be wishing to tackle that too]....


Post 48

Sunday, May 7, 2006 - 10:02amSanction this postReply
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Robert,

So, you're saying that you haven't heard mention of Ginott in recent weeks. Well the only mention I can report, is that of myself introducing his name into conversation.

As to sarcasm. Well, that is truly distressing.  The only sarcasm that I have ever intended, was to say that Glenn and Landon had no clue about child development; for which  I apologized.

I do have a rather didactic tone; because I tend to be somewhat serious about things.  This prompts me to insert a little drollery into my ideas. Is this taken as sarcasm?  big sigh  

Yes, Robert, I can see by your short answers and art projects that this book would be a too time  an undertaking for you; but your pithy little statements inserted here and there would be of benefit.  You, perhaps, know how to be humourous without alienating people.  Gawd knows that I don't.

By limited interest; you are mistaken, I'm sure.  This could be the child advice book of the millennium. Take the idea to its logical conclusion. Someone will have to do the book tours.

Sharon 

 

Post 49

Sunday, May 7, 2006 - 1:18pmSanction this postReply
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Why don't you try it Sharon? It seems like something you really want done and it could give you an opportunity to clarify understanding on the issue involved.

But I still kind of disagree on mindless duties. If you start out with that it will be hard to ever build into soemthing better. I think the key thing is to play to their level of understanding and give them a reason to do what's needed of them (ie stay out of what will be dangerous to them, learn a new skill, give their parents a little quiet time).  You just explain it to them in terms they understand and give reason to do what you need of them. It may be a little harder than just giving them a mindless duty, but it's something that pays off in the long run.

---Landon


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Post 50

Monday, May 8, 2006 - 12:46amSanction this postReply
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I missed Sharon's post #32, in which she wrote,
Altruism is not a word in my everyday vocabulary. It is a clinical psychological term to me, and has nothing to do with family life. I see how Objectivists like to beat others over the head with the word; but it is overused where personal relationships are concerned.
"Altruism" in the sense that Objectivists use it refers to a policy of placing the interests of others above self, and is enshrined in the selfless cliche that "it is better to give than receive." Altruism is an ethical viewpoint, not a clinical or psychological one. Also, it has never been my impression that Objectivists "beat others over the head with it." If anything, it is just the opposite. Altruists have been beating others over the head with it for centuries.

Consider the words of Martin Luther: "Cursed and condemned is every kind of life lived and sought for selfish profit and good; cursed are all works not done in love. But they are done in love when they are directed wholeheartedly, not toward selfish pleasure, profit, honor, and welfare but toward the profit, honor, and welfare of others." (What Luther Says; An Anthology, ed. E. M. Plass (3 vols., St. Louis, Concordia, 1959), III, 1282.)

Or consider the words of Adam Smith, often thought to be an advocate of self-interest: "The wise and virtuous man is at all times willing that his own private interest should be sacrificed to the public interest of his own particular order or society. He is at all times willing, too, that the interest of this order or society should be sacrificed to the greater interest of the state or sovereignty of which it is only a subordinate part: he should, therefore, be equally willing that all those inferior interests should be sacrificed to the greater interest of the universe, to the interest of that great society of all sensible and intelligent beings of which God himself is the immediate administrator and director." [The Theory of Moral Sentiments, in Adam Smith's Moral and political Philosophy, ed. H. W. Schneider (N.Y., Harper Torchbooks, 1970), p. 249.]

Contrast Smith's view with that of Rand's: Once...you conceded it was evil to live for yourself, but moral to live for the sake of your children. Then you conceded that it was selfish to live for your children, but moral to live for your community. Then you conceded that it was selfish to live for your community, but moral to live for your country. Now, you are letting this greatest of countries be devoured by any scum from any corner of the earth, while you concede that it is selfish to live for your country and that your moral duty is to live for the globe. A man who has no right to life, has no right to values and will not keep them." (Atlas Shrugged, p. 1055)

Speaking of rights, here is what August Comte, nineteenth century altruist and positivist had to say about them: "In politics we must eliminate Rights. . . . Positivism only recognises duties, duties of all to all. Placing itself, as it does, at the social point of view, it cannot tolerate the notion of rights, for such notion rests on individualism. We are born under a load of obligations of every kind, obligations to our predecessors, to our successors, to our contemporaries. After our birth these obligations increase or accumulate, for it is some time before we can return any service. Where, then, in the case of man, is the foundation on which we are to rest the idea of rights? . . . Rights, then, in the case of man, are as absurd as they are immoral." (The Catechism of Positive Religion, pp. 331-333).

Remember John Stuart Mill, nineteenth century philosopher and economist who wrote that classical ode to freedom, "On Liberty"? Here is what he had to say about altruism: "It is as much a part of our scheme as of M. Comte's, that the direct cultivation of altruism, and the subordination of egoism to it, far beyond the point of absolute moral duty, should be one of the chief aims of education, both individual and collective. . . . every person who lives by any useful work, should be habituated to regard himself not as an individual working for his private benefit, but as a public functionary; and his wages, of whatever sort, not as the remuneration or purchase-money of his labor, which should be given freely, but as the provision made by society to enable him to carry it on..." Auguste Comte and Positivism (Ann Arbor, U. of Mich. Press, 1961), pp. 146-148.

I could go on, quoting other philosophers, including Kant, who have literally been "beating us over the head" - and thereby warping our cultures, our societies and our political systems - with the malicious and misanthropic doctrine of self-sacrifice. In the face of this kind of precedent, it is virtually impossible for Objectivists to overdo their opposition to it. However much they object to altruism, they will never equal the support that the doctrine is receiving from the wider culture.
How do you differentiate between cooperation and altruism, Bill?
Cooperation is voluntary and is often undertaken for entirely selfish reasons. For example, when people trade with each other by mutual consent to mutual advantage, they are engaging in a form of cooperation, but their motivations are entirely selfish; they are interested only in gaining from the trade - in getting more than they are giving up.
Do you consider cooperation to be collectivist?
No, because in cooperating, all parties are voluntarily pursuing a common goal, so no one is being forced to sacrifice his or her goals for the sake of the collective. If you want to understand true collectivism, consider the words of Hegel, who inspired Marxism and Communism: The individual's duty is to maintain "the independence and sovereignty of the state, at the risk and the sacrifice of property and life, as well as of opinion and everything else naturally comprised in the compass of life." [Hegel's Philosophy of Right, trans. T. M. Knox (London, Oxford U.P., 1967), p. 209.]

Or consider this statement by him: "The noble type of consciousness. . . assumes a negative attitude towards its own special purposes, its particular content and individual existence, and lets them disappear. This type of mind is the heroism of Service . . . the type of personality which of itself renounces possession and enjoyment . . . That alone is true sacrifice of individuality, therefore, in which it gives up as completely as in the case of death . . ." [The Phenomenology of Mind, trans. J. B. Baillie (N.Y., Harper Torchbooks, 1967), pp. 526-9.]
I am, however, very interested in introducing the word sacrifice into our dinner conversations. We'll be drinking toasts: to those who sacrificed their energy and time to produce this magnificent meal. Thanks for the idea Bill. I can't wait to see the reactions.
In the sense of "sacrifice" that you know is relevant to Objectivism, if they truly did sacrifice their energy and time to produce the meal, then they must have considered their resources to have more important uses elsewhere, in which case, why would you drink a toast to this kind of self-sacrificial behavior? All it would indicate is that they didn't really want to do it, but did it only out of a sense of selfless duty. That wouldn't make me feel very good to know that they would rather have done something else with their energy and time than to cook the meal that I am now enjoying.

- Bill
(Edited by William Dwyer
on 5/08, 1:26am)


Post 51

Monday, May 8, 2006 - 6:31amSanction this postReply
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That post # 50  so beautifully illustrated, what I would call spritzing others with the notion of the benevolent universe.  

Should a notion of a benevolent universe become Objectivisms first premise?  In order to be benevolently self interested, surely one must first have a sense of a benevolent universe. From your description of sacrifice and its derivation from altruism, I understand that sacrifice and altruism follow from a vision of a malevolent universe filled with perils to be overcome.

When I speak of beating each other over the head, Bill, it implies a negative behaviour, designed to root out something unhelpful.   When we undertake the task of raising children we plant the seeds of altruism, whenever infants are confronted with the negativism of adult emergencies. The malevolent universe premise trains young children to be watchful for emergencies; and to have contingencies for damage control. This is because their cognitive abilities prevent them from holding in their minds, more than one idea*. The malevolent universe created by inappropriate parenting becomes the default system.

If the purpose of RoR is to spread Objectivism and to create the world we want, then I am certain, more than ever, that the solution is in the raising of the next generation. 

Children born into a benevolent universe will grow to be naturally self interested and benevolent.  They will not understand altruism, as I didn't.  They will understand cooperation, only.  They will be pro-active rather than reactive.  They will be looking for the next good idea while kicking the bad ones out of the way.

The adults who help raise these children will create the fertile environment that will be focused on spritzing the child's life with benevolence.  Onlookers will notice that, like all aerosols, the more you spritz, the more it falls on everything and everyone standing in the way.  The world will be drenched with benevolence.

So here's the deal Bill.    If we accept the benevolent universe as the first premise. Everything else follows as naturally as spring follows winter.

Have you heard of the notion; that whatever you pay attention to, is what you get more of?  The more Objectivists pay attention to malevolence, the more of it they're going to get.

I went to the Lexicon to get a definitive illustration of the benevolent universe; and found a much more succinct definition of malevolent universe.  I went to see also:  sense of life.  Eurika Bill !  A nation's sense of life is formed by every individual child's early impressions of the world around him..........her:                   **Gasp!  Sorry to  bring this up Bill; but, the hand that rocks the cradle could rule the land.

btw Bill, Have you ever, secretly wanted to have your own phone-in radio show?   :) 

Thanks for all the time and effort you spent on Post # 50, it inspired a few more helpful ideas.

Sharon

As an addendum;  I have just read Joe Rowland's article on rationalization.  If you consider my thinking to be mere rationalization, how would I have to craft an argument that would be based on logic that incorporates the entire sum of all the experiences and research that I have assimilated and accommodated over a lifetime?   My theory is not based on some sugar-coated kitsch notion of childhood innocence; it is based on research in child development derived from  Jean Piaget and Lev Vygotzky.  Have Piaget and Vygotzky rationalized hidden belief systems in obtaining their theories of epistemology?

Sharon

*   I should have said, one idea at any one time.
** I just had to say it out loud, Bill.


(Edited by Sharon Romagnoli Macdonald on 5/08, 10:43am)


Post 52

Monday, May 8, 2006 - 9:27amSanction this postReply
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Bill - another brilliant post.  Thanks.  Every time I feel myself being seduced into thinking, ...but is that what they really mean by altruism? - I can see that Yes, that really is what they mean!

Post 53

Monday, May 8, 2006 - 10:06amSanction this postReply
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Thanks, Kurt. I got most of these quotes from an article in The Objectivist (August 1971 issue), the bound volume of which is available from the Ayn Rand Bookstore. This volume (which covers the period from January 1966 through September of 1971) is well worth getting for the wealth of articles and information it contains.

- Bill

Post 54

Monday, May 8, 2006 - 9:55pmSanction this postReply
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I second Kurt's exhaltation of Bill's contribution.

Thanks, Bill.

Ed


Post 55

Monday, May 8, 2006 - 10:33pmSanction this postReply
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... 'n I've got some relevant quotes of my own ...


But the majority of prodigal people, as has been said, besides giving wrongly, take from wrong sources; in respect of getting they are in fact mean. And what makes them grasping is that they want to spend, but cannot do so freely because they soon come to the end of their resources, and so are compelled to obtain supplies from others. [1121b]
 
Moreover, being indifferent to nobility of conduct, they are careless how they get their money, and take it from anywhere; their desire is to give, and they do not mind how or where they get the means of giving.
 
Hence even their giving is not really liberal: their gifts are not noble, nor given for the nobility of giving, nor in the right way; on the contrary, sometimes they make men rich who ought to be poor, and will not give anything to the worthy, while heaping gifts on flatterers and others who minister to their pleasures.

The moral type on the other hand is not based on stated terms, but the gift or other service is given as to a friend, although the giver expects to receive an equivalent or greater return, as though it had not been a free gift but a loan; and as he ends the relationship in a different spirit from that in which he began it, he will complain.
 
The reason of this is that all men, or most men, wish what is noble but choose what is profitable; and while it is noble to render a service not with an eye to receiving one in return, [1163a] it is profitable to receive one. One ought therefore, if one can, to return the equivalent of services received, and to do so willingly; for one ought not to make a man one's friend if one is unwilling to return his favors.
 
Recognizing therefore that one has made a mistake at the beginning and accepted a service from a wrong person -- that is, a person who was not a friend, and was not acting disinterestedly -- one should accordingly end the transaction as if one had accepted the service on stated terms.
 
Also, one would agree to repay a service if able to do so (and if one were not able, the giver on his side too would not have expected repayment); hence, if possible, one ought to make a return. But one ought to consider at the beginning from whom one is receiving the service, and on what terms, so that one may accept it on those terms or else decline it.

From:
http://www.non-contradiction.com/ac_works_b36.asp


We do not quite forgive a giver. The hand that feeds us is in some danger of being bitten. -- RW EMERSON, Second Series, 1844
There is a sublime thieving in all giving. Someone gives us all he has and we are his. -- E Hoffer, The Passionate State of Mind, 1954
We cannot win the weak by sharing our wealth with them. They feel our generosity as oppression. -- E Hoffer, The Ordeal of Change, 1964
... if, in the general tenour of human conduct, self-regard were not prevalent over sympathy, -- even over sympathy for all others put together, -- no such species as the human could have existence. -- J Bentham, Constitutional Code, p 119
One side of the flag will have the political and scientific mottl, Order and Progress; the other, the moral and esthetic motto, Live for Others. The first will be preferred by men; the other is more specially adapted to women, who are thus invited to participate in these public manifestations of social feeling. -- A Comte, A General View of Positivism, p 286
 
Ed


Post 56

Tuesday, May 9, 2006 - 6:44amSanction this postReply
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Good comments by Hoffer - more should read from him.....

Post 57

Tuesday, May 9, 2006 - 11:39amSanction this postReply
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Ed, interesting quotes. Do you happen to have The Basic Works of Aristotle by Richard McKeon? I still have the copy I purchased in the '60's. It's a bit tattered and torn now. So I was thinking of getting a new one. I see the Random House (copyright 1941) hardcover edition, which is the one I have, is available from Amazon.com at a great price, $31.47 (36% discount).

Another interesting statement from Aristotle that is worth quoting is his definition of truth, which appears to be a correspondence theory:
"To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not that it is, is false, while to say of what is that it is, and of what is not that it is not, is true; so that he who says of anything that it is, or that it is not, will say either what is true or what is false..." (Metaphysics, Bk. IV: Ch. 6, 1011b26)

- Bill
(Edited by William Dwyer
on 5/09, 12:02pm)


Post 58

Tuesday, May 9, 2006 - 1:24pmSanction this postReply
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Bill,

I don't yet have that book (but will look into it).

Thanks for the suggestion.

Ed


Post 59

Friday, May 19, 2006 - 6:53amSanction this postReply
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All:

     I'm a bit surprised at seeing such a fairly long thread with such little proneness to tangents, and able to stay on the topic of child-raising, morality-development, societal-etiquette-teaching, and what, if any, relations one can 'connect' to Objectivism (or to anything Rand said about children.)

     What I'm even more surprised at is while seeing varied quotes by noteworthies re the subjects mentioned...not one reference to any insights or studies by Maria Montessori (pedagogical) or Jean Piaget (mental development, intellectual AND of 'morality/ethics') has been made. May I ask why is that, since I found both to be MOST relevent in my raising of my 2 (now 14 and 15, one a D-S diabetic).

~~ No, re a 'connect to O'ism, I don't mean in terms of "How to indoctrinate that 'A is A'; now repeat after me, kids...", but in understanding where children 'come from' (like, who of us remembers our ages of 2->4, epistemologically speaking?), how they move from changing/growing stages of perspective/knowledge, and how to help them find the ways towards what you think they'll further mentally need in growing up. Ie: to learn about consequences of actions (hence causality, and projecting/thinking ahead) in terms of 'worthwhileness' of decisions, especially in dealing with others; to learn about evaluating others in terms of friends (trust, respect [the concept of 'rights' will be discussed with 1 later, not now]); to learn about 'focusing'/paying attention to the previous and the pointlessness of wishing without doing; to learn the worth of respect for others --- Here 'etiquette' (as well as 'rights', but not the same) gets relevent, but, I stress that there're different levels of it for different situations. Eating at The Stork Club is not the same as at McDonald's, for instance.. As an aside, if you didn't get a mint yet, GO for the last one; just don't start a fight over it. Elsewise, don't advertise to all that your 'greed' makes you a gluttony-person; you lose friends...and respect...that way.

~~ I believe that Rand didn't add an Objectivist-addendum on 'Proper Child Raising in O'ism' is probably because she 1st had to address the adults, both (esp for females? Remember the times: '50's) parents AND  non-parents. Methinks that required a bit of her life, time/focused-attention-wise, and, she knew it. Working out her created library in it's radical thinking and arguments wasn't something many of us could just dash right off the typewriter in a couple years, leaving time for child-raising or brain-surgery internship, I'd say. Methinks had she had children, neither AS nor ITOE would exist (nor maybe, therefore, this forum!)...because of chronically diverted attention.

LLAP
J:D

P.S: Child-raising-wise, may I suggest the memoir-experiences of  a 'free-lance' school teacher who specialized in 'problem-children', @...

     http://www.torey-hayden.com

(Edited by John Dailey on 5/19, 6:59am)

(Edited by John Dailey on 5/19, 7:01am)


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