Rebirth of Reason

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Post 0

Sunday, September 11, 2005 - 5:17pmSanction this postReply
Marty, the picture you posted isn't showing. Was it this or something like it that you were attempting to post?

Post 1

Sunday, September 11, 2005 - 5:36pmSanction this postReply
Yes. I am not sure what may have happened when I posted it. Let me try again.

Post 2

Sunday, September 11, 2005 - 6:04pmSanction this postReply
Marty, when you cut and paste a picture like that, it really just creates a link to the picture in question.  Since you're cutting from your own computer, it's linking to a c:\ directory of yours.

So only link to pictures that are available online.

BTW, your additions to the joke gallery have been a welcome addition to SOLO.  Thanks.

Post 3

Monday, September 12, 2005 - 12:10amSanction this postReply
Actually, I think the missing image is funnier than whatever could be posted! Good one!

Post 4

Monday, September 12, 2005 - 12:16amSanction this postReply

Thanks for the heads-up.


Post 5

Monday, September 12, 2005 - 8:33amSanction this postReply
So - does that mean if I mail myself a photo, file it on aol, it's online, and can then past it to here?

Post 6

Monday, September 12, 2005 - 7:44pmSanction this postReply
Is that by postage paid or attach your own stamp?

Post 7

Monday, September 12, 2005 - 8:18pmSanction this postReply

Try using www.imageshack.us You send (upload) the file to them. Then they will give you a url that your image is stored at, which you can then use in an img html tag. The tag you write will look like this:
<img src="http://www.imageshack.us/IMAGE_LOCATION">

Post 8

Monday, September 12, 2005 - 8:27pmSanction this postReply
Thank you...

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Post 9

Saturday, September 17, 2005 - 5:49pmSanction this postReply
Marty, please forgive me for posting my joke under your thread. For some reason I cannot start a new thread.
I hope you like this joke.
Subject: Blind Perception

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived a blind little bunny and a blind little snake. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful," replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement .

The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone,  and no balls.   I'd say you must be either a politician,  or an attorney!"


(Edited by Ciro D'Agostino on 9/17, 9:19pm)

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Post 10

Thursday, September 22, 2005 - 7:36pmSanction this postReply
Subject: Be patient with your pet friends........

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be
more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store
and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede
(100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use
for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the
box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet
to the bar to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to
Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer
from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then
asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a
drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new
friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He
decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up
against the centipede's house and shouting,"Hey, in there! Would
you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"

A little voice came out of the box:

"I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my fucking shoes."

Post 11

Saturday, September 24, 2005 - 10:20amSanction this postReply
>>All moms of boys who have often accompanied kids on school trips, I
>>you may like this one!
>>The Urinal Is Too High
>>A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female
>>went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn
>>about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but
> mostly
>>to see the horses.
>>When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided
>>the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would
>>go with the other.
>>The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room
>>one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the
>>Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants,
>>began hoisting the little boys up one by one holding onto their "wee
> wees"
>>to direct the flow away from their clothes.
>>As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually
>>Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be
>>the 5th grade."
>>"No, ma'am" he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the

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Post 12

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 - 4:42pmSanction this postReply
A couple of airplane mechanics, drinking buddies are in a hanger at Denver, where the runway is fogged in and they have nothing to do.
John says, "man have you got anything to drink?"
"Nah," says Bill, "but I hear that you can drink jet fuel, and that it will give you a real buzz."
So they proceed to drink jet fuel, get smashed, and have a beautiful time as only drinkin' buddies can.
Next morning, John expects his head to explode when he gets up but is pleasantly surprised that he has no hangover at all.
The phone rings with Bill asking how he feels.  "I feel great?" says John.  "No hangover?"
"Me neither," says Bill.  "That jet fuel is great stuff and no hangover," says John.  "We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah," says Bill, "But there is one thing. Did you fart yet?"
"No, why?"
"Because I'm in Pheonix." 

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Post 13

Saturday, October 1, 2005 - 8:11pmSanction this postReply
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."

Post 14

Wednesday, October 5, 2005 - 9:51amSanction this postReply
The Snorer
The high school coaches in Boise, Idaho went to a coaches' retreat.  To save money they had to share rooms.  No one wanted to room with Coach Daryl because he snored so bad.  They decide it's not fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they vote to take turns.

The first coach sleeps with Daryl and comes to breakfast next morning with his hair a mess, eyes all bloodshot.  They say, "Man, what happened to you?" 
He said, "Man, that Daryl snored so loud, I watched him all night."

The next night it was a different coach's turn.  In the morning, same thing -- hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.  They say, "Man, what happened to you?  You look awful!"
He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof.  I watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player-looking type of man's man.  Next morning, he comes to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning."  They can't believe it!  They say, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed.  I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night.  He watched me all night long."

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Post 15

Sunday, October 9, 2005 - 6:15pmSanction this postReply
A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's
breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."


"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers,"Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like Christmas tree"

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only

Post 16

Monday, October 24, 2005 - 8:59amSanction this postReply

Actual writings from hospital charts



1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very  hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11 Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she  got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities





Post 17

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 - 7:39pmSanction this postReply

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her

what is wrong with you in a room full of other  patients. I know most of us

have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.


An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded Doctor's Waiting Room. As he

approached the desk, the Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing

the Doctor for today?"


"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The normal hum of the

Waiting Room went dead quiet and heads turned to the desk.


The Receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a

crowded Doctor's Room and announce such things like that sir."


"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.


The Receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in

this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with

your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the Doctor

in private."


The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others,

if the answer could embarrass anyone."


The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The

Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"


"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.


The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her



"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"


"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.


The Waiting Room erupted in laughter.

Post 18

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 - 8:16pmSanction this postReply
In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish
man  who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day,
everyday, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there
he was!

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to
leave, she approached him  for an interview.
"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to
the Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety
 and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

 "Like I'm talking to a fuckin' wall."

Post 19

Saturday, October 29, 2005 - 6:29pmSanction this postReply
Subject: Gay Parents


>>Gay Parents
>>   Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, and then
>>have  a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is
>>born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward,
>>eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one is
>>smiling serenely. A nurse comes by and to the gays' delight she points
>>out the happy child as theirs.
>>   "Isn't it wonderful?" one fruitcake says to the other. "All these
>>unhappy children and ours is so happy."
>>   The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now. But just watch what
>>happens when we take the pacifier out of his ass."

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