| | Mr. Jones rises to speak...
"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for attending tonight's debate. You have an enviable choice before you, unknown in the 20th century and for much of our own time. You have here not the lesser of two evils, but the better of two goods. My opponent Mr. Smith and I agree on the principles of limited government. We disagree on certain specific issues. You will decide which of us better reflects your own expectations and desires.
"My opponent believes that the Coast Guard should be self-funding from court fines. I point to the tragic results of such policies during the Drug Wars. My opponent believes that anyone should be able to view the Declaration of Independence free of charge and I believe that a productive citizen would be happy to pay for the opportunity. My opponent would grant semi-automous statehood to the International Space Station and I perceive that effort, international by definition, best kept free of any national ties, admitted perhaps if they so choose, to the United Nations.
"These issues set us apart.
"We share a dedication to limited constitutional government, to individual rights, to the great principles of our nation, to apple pie, to baseball, to modern architecture, to ballroom dancing, and to light opera.
"And I promise that any voter who clicks their mouse for me will enjoy rational self-esteem, a sense of achievement, and, greatest of all, the profits that accrue from answering one fundamental question: "Right or Wrong?'
"Thank you/"
|
|
The individual politic tactic of hypothesizing an authority above all of us individually ... and then jarringly speaking for it as individuals and presenting our individual interpretations of what this remote supreme and yet curiously otherwise mute authority demands of us individually... is the oldest carny huckster political trick in the book.
