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Causes of philosophical death

Causes of death for specific philosophers: a humorous take on philosophical thought. Aquinas: Last causes Aristotle: Excessive moderation Augustine: Hippo Ayer: Unverifiable Bacon, F: Hit by idol in market place Berkeley: Divine neglect Boole: Became inverted Bradley: Absolutely everything Buridan: Asinine starvation ... (Read More)

(Added by Jenna W on 3/30, 1:26am)

Discuss this Joke (34 messages)

Thursday, March 30, 2006 - 3:03am

My Top 10 at 3am, by A-Z (or W):

Augustine: Hippo
Camus: Found exit
Dawkins: Suicidal genes
Derrida: Deconstructed
Kant: Found the means to his own end
Levi-Strauss: Eaten by natives
Quine: Became a free variable
Skinner, B F: Bad behaviour
Turing: Failed his own test
Wittgenstein: Became the late Wittgenstein

---

I like these:

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.
"In a closet," he repied. "I wanted to know what life really is."
"And have you found an answer?"
"Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge."
"That's all well and good," replied the colleage, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"
"Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge."

Thursday, March 30, 2006 - 11:13am

Love it!

Ed

Thursday, March 30, 2006 - 12:03pm

LOL!

Fantastic!

Darwin: Became unfit
Aquinas: Last causes
Descartes: Stopped thinking

Some of the best!

Andy.

Thursday, March 30, 2006 - 2:16pm

My Top 10 at 3am, by A-Z (or W):

What - no Z?? [Zeno - he couldn't make it to the end....]

Thursday, March 30, 2006 - 2:20pm

I couldn't make it to the end either.

UK

Thursday, March 30, 2006 - 2:33pm

Even though I didn't know of all the philosophers, I liked the "causes" of death:

Aquinas: Last causes
Cassirer: Symbolic causes
Heisenberg: Uncertain causes
Hobbes: Nasty causes
Mach: Unsensational causes
Machiavelli: Intriguing causes
Malcolm: Undreamed of causes
Malebranche: Occasional causes
Marx: Material causes
Wheeler: Manifold causes

I'd like to put up a science joke next... :)

Friday, March 31, 2006 - 8:45am

Rousseau: Nobly savaged

Friday, March 31, 2006 - 10:06am

Good one, Glenn! Lemme' try one ...

Parmenides: Stillborn

Ed

Friday, March 31, 2006 - 11:39am

Russell: cut himself shaving

Friday, March 31, 2006 - 1:09pm

Hey, I just noticed that some of the philosophers aren't dead yet! What's up? Reminds me of a scene from Monty Python.

Friday, March 31, 2006 - 5:11pm

Physically not, maybe - but mentally?

Saturday, April 1, 2006 - 2:22am

Those are fun. How about-

Smith: Causes not visible
William of Occam: Entity decreased
Kierkegaard: 5th story leap of faith
Bentham: Of no consequence
Schrodinger: Mauled by cats
Locke: Earth mixed its labour with him
Spencer: Unfit
Turing: Halted
Leibniz: Dis-integrated
Gauss: Eliminated
Euclid: Non-Euclidian ontology
Nietzche: Uberman unterground
Keynes: Entered the long run

Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 3:26am

LOL on the Neitzsche one, Aaron :D
For that I give you a Godelian kiss: a kiss that takes an extraordinarilly long time, yet leaves you unable to decide whether you've been kissed or not.

Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 9:11am

I had this down as the explanation for the death of Leibniz ...

malignant monadoma

Ed
[does it warrant a 'kiss'?]

Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 12:23pm

Jenna- *laugh* I'm left feeling somehow.. incomplete, but thank you.

Ed- That's a stumper. I couldn't even find any English language context Googling 'monadoma'. Can you explain? (I promise no kisses though, not even a Kantian)

Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 2:01pm

Ed:

Aristotelian kiss:
a kiss performed using techniques gained solely from theoretical speculation untainted by any experiential data by one who feels that the latter is irrelevant anyway.

[given that you like to quote articles so this particular definition is satirical ;) ]
(Edited by Jenna W
on 4/02, 2:03pm)

Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 5:09pm

Aaron,

It was a spoof on that rare, little known, combination of the deadly skin cancer 'malignant melanoma,' with the Leibnizian idea of monads.

Ed
[and I'll settle for a game of pool -- if you're going to ROR Conference 1 this May :-)]

Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 5:22pm

Thanks for that lovely onscreen kiss, Jenna. I was hoping that you would make the choice you did.

And by the way, have I ever got some beef with you: I do NOT 'like to quote articles' -- of which the evidence can be found here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. So there!

Hmph!

:-)

Ed
[not going to wash his computer screen for a whole year]

Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 5:53pm

Thanks, my disease knowledge was lacking; your Leibniz one is clever. Is this RoR conference near Atlanta?

Sunday, April 2, 2006 - 6:23pm

Aaron, here is the overview of your journey, should you decide to make it ...

... and here is a closer view (I believe we're in a beach-house, on the shore of Lake Tohopekaliga, but check with Joe) ...

... and here are your (potential) driving directions ...

Go SE on GA-154 (Trinity Av SW) for 220 feet

< 0.1 miles

3

Turn right onto Washington St SW

0.4 miles

4

Continue onto Pulliam St SW

0.5 miles

5

Enter on ramp to I-75 S (I-85 S, James Wendell George Pkwy, South Expwy)

0.2 miles

6

Continue on I-75 S (I-85 S, James Wendell George Pkwy, South Expwy)

67.8 miles

7

Bear right onto off-ramp at exit 177 to I-475 S (GA-408 S)

0.4 miles

8

Take I-475 S (GA-408 S) Ramp

0.1 miles

9

Continue on I-475 S (GA-408 S)

15.1 miles

10

Exit on ramp to I-75 S (GA-401 S)

0.3 miles

11

Continue on I-75 S (GA-401 S)

300 miles

12

Exit on ramp at exit 328 to Florida's Tpk (Ronald Reagan Tpk)

0.7 miles

13

Continue on Florida's Tpk (Ronald Reagan Tpk)

58.8 miles

14

Bear right onto off-ramp at exit 249 to Dart Blvd (Osceola Pkwy)

0.2 miles

15

Take Dart Blvd (Osceola Pkwy) Ramp

0.2 miles

16

Continue onto Dart Blvd (Osceola Pkwy)

1.4 miles

17

Turn left onto US-17 (US-92, US-441, US 17-92, Orange Blossom Tr)

1.8 miles

18

Continue onto US-17 (US-92, US-441, US 17-92, Main St)

0.5 miles

19

Continue onto US-17 (US-92, US 17-92, Main St)

0.5 miles

20

Bear right onto Church St

0.3 miles

21

You are at Kissimmee,FL

*all from randmcnally.com

Ed