 In the Bullshit Department, a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman. 'Cause I gotta tell you the truth, folks. When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money!
George Carlin
That fact of the matter is I am smarter than most O'ists. That is what makes me human.
Robert J. Kolker
http://rebirthofreason.com/Forum/Dissent/0166_1.shtml#29
I aim for the stars, but sometimes I hit London and Antwerp
Werner von Braun
Werner v. Braun
We are all entitled to our own opinions. None of us are entitled to our own facts.
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Sen. Daniel Moynihan
Christ appears and splits the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem. And then, over a thousand years of the millennium, that the world is reigned in two places, Jerusalem and Missouri. The law will come from Missouri, and the other will be from Jerusalem...
Mitt Romney
Hitchens in Slate
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We will not be intimidated by radical Islamic thugs...CAIR can go to Hell and they can take their 72 virgins with them.
Jason Maltera
Young America's Foundation
This Don't F*** With Hitch curse actually works—look at what happened to Saddam Hussein.
Christopher Hitchens
Slate
I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints -- the sinners are much more fun...
Billy Joel
"Only the Good Die Young"
The point of the song wasn't so much anti-Catholic as pro-lust.
Billy Joel
On "Only the Good Die Young"
"The invisible and the non-existent often look very much alike."
Julia Sweeney
Letting Go of God
Perhaps they need a good talking to, if you don't mind my saying so. Perhaps a bit more. My girls, sir, they didn't care for the Overlook at first. One of them actually stole a pack of matches, and tried to burn it down. But I 'corrected' them sir. And when my wife tried to prevent me from doing my duty, I 'corrected' her.
Stephen King
Caretaker Delbert Grady in The Shining 1980 Motion Picture
If someone tells you this is not a real push-up, tell him to f*** off.
Tony Horton
Tony Horton LIVE! in Miami Fitness Camp 2006
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Alfred Hitchcock
Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.
Unknown
Forwarded by a friend
I love Thanksgiving turkey...it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Here is Rick Warren, Grand Inquisitor, a man who can see the human race only as a vast Amway sales force for fundamentalism.
Robert Price
The Reason-Driven Life
She's the sort of woman who lives for others -- you can tell the others by their hunted expression.
C.S. Lewis
The Screwtape Letters
When a psychologist or psychiatrist testifies during a defendant's competency hearing, the psychologist or psychiatrist shall wear a cone-shaped hat that is not less than two feet tall. The surface of the hat shall be imprinted with stars and lightning bolts. ... [He] shall be required to don a white beard that is not less than 18 inches in length, and shall punctuate crucial elements of his testimony by stabbing the air with a wand [and] the bailiff shall dim the courtroom lights and administer two strikes to a Chinese gong.
Duncan Scott
New Mexico State Senator, exasperated with voodoo science in the courts, proposing legislation covering state licensing guidelines for mental health professionals
Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
Ambrose Bierce
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Red Buttons
"Don't you see, Lonestar? Evil will always triumph because good is dumb."
Mel Brooks
Spaceballs
Pictures of perfection make me sick and wicked.
Jane Austen
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
Confucius
He had a big head and a face so ugly it became almost fascinating.
Ayn Rand
Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall inherit the earth--but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three.
Robert A. Heinlein
Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love
Of course I'm a sexist. Any time a man says anything negative about a woman he's automatically a sexist. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. That never even enters the equation.
Jeff Wayne
It's OK To Be a White Male Comedy CD
Good... Bad... I'm the guy with the gun.
Bruce Campbell
Army of Darkness
To err is human, but it feels divine.
Mae West
Ross' Big Book of Bad Boy Quotes
What is it that you're objecting to?
Mum
Mrs Monica Elliot
Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
Crash Davis
Bull Durham
"Monday-This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like this; I am not used to company, I wish it would stay with the other animals...Cloudy today, wind in the east; think we shall have rain...We? Where did I get that word?...I remember now--the new creature uses it."
Mark Twain
Adam's Diary
If living like the Amish is the only way to avoid 'consumerism', then..what is wrong with consumerism in the first place?
Joseph Heath and Andrew Potter
Nation of Rebels
Somebody needs to get the collected works of Ayn Rand down to New Orleans right away, preferably in a waterproof edition.
Scott McLemee
http://www.insidehighered.com/views/2005/09/06/mclemee
... actually, I think I may have lost my train of thought there. But don’t run with pointy, shitty sticks, okay?
Fraser Stephen-Smith
Article, SOLOHQ
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.
George Burns
Did you ever meet these rehab people? I liked them better when they were drunks! When they're drunk, they just ask you to buy them a drink. Now they've got to tell you how happy they are, how they found God ... then they've got to give you a test to see if you're an alcoholic: ... 'Do you ever find yourself looking forward to a drink? Hmmmmmm?' What kind of test is this? I look forward to eating. Does that make me a food addict? I look forward to sex. Does that make me a sex addict? I'll be honest with you: Sometimes I look forward to taking a big shit! Does that make me a shitaholic?
Jeff Wayne
It's OK To Be a White Male Comedy CD
Please don't feed the trolls
Adam Reed
Everywhere
The less things change, the more they stay the same.
R. D. Reynolds
Wrestlecrap: the very worst of professional wrestling
Alone, adj. In bad company.
Ambrose Bierce
The Devil's Dictionary
A can't change the laws of physics.
James Doohan as Scotty
Star Trek, "The Naked Time," 1966
All the doctors who warned me not to smoke or drink died long ago.
Jean Sibelius
Famous Finnish composer who lived to the age of 91.
I think they would have particularly liked rap music. It has the sort of effect Neanderthals would have enjoyed.
Steven Mithen
The Singing Neanderthals: The Origins of Music, Language and the Mind.
Fundamentalist Christianity - fascinating. These people actually believe that the world is 12 thousand years old. Swear to God. What the..? Based on what? I asked them. "Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages - 12 thousand years." Well how fucking scientific, okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble. That's good. You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay I got a one word question, ready? "uh huh." Dinosaurs.
Bill Hicks
Philosophy
Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
Ambrose Bierce
The Devil's Dictionary
Yep, that system of socialism and touchy-feely public education really seems to be working out. Just like Darwin said it would.
Mr. Lion
"And the Darwin Award goes to..." (post from Capitalist Lion)
I think magic is whatever the individual defines it to be. I say it’s all magic.
David Blaine
Comcast Entertainment News
"Morale was deteriorating and it was all Yossarian's fault. The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them."
Joesph Heller
Catch-22
So Many Right Wing Christians, So Few Lions.
Unknown Author
Seen on a t-shirt
I love you when you're not masterminding my downfall.
Anonymous
Of all places, some guy's T-shirt in a bar.
“I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are overrated self-indulgent crap, that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe that there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”
Kevin Costner
Crash (Kevin Costner) from Bull Durham
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